Homer vs. Dignity
The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
The Great Money Caper
[After Lisa sets up his computer, Homer goes on the Internet and visits the Springfield Police Department website. An image of Chief Wiggum's face appears on the screen.]
Wiggum: [on-screen] If you've committed a crime and want to confess, click 'Yes'. Otherwise, click 'No'.
[Homer clicks "No".]
Wiggum: You have chosen 'No', meaning that you've committed a crime, but don't want to confess. A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home. [An image of a paddy wagon with a flashing siren appears in the corner of the screen.]
Homer: [indignantly] Hey!!
Wiggum: While you wait, why not buy a police cap or T-shirt. [Images of the items with the SPD logo appear, surrounding Wiggum's face.] You have the right to remain fabulous! [The flashing words "NOW 80% OFF" appear on the screen.]

Homer: No one can silence me but me!
Fake Homer: That arranged can be.

Moe: Well, if Mr. X were here right now. I'd buy him a tall frosty.
Homer: Hey, Moe. Can you keep a secret?
Moe: No.
Homer: Not even a little one?
Moe: No!
Homer: What if I just whisper it?
Moe: No, I tells ya!

Homer: Who are you, and why are you holding me here? I want answers now, or I want them eventually!

Lisa: Well, you can't post news if you don't have any.
Homer: That's a great idea! I'll just make up some news!
Lisa: Ugh, at least take off your Pulitzer Prize when you say that!

(Mr. X reports that Apu's bagels are really old donuts)
Chief Wiggum: In the interests of public safety, we have confiscated every donut, bagel, cruller and bear claw in the city. And some coffee. (He takes a sip of coffee from a foam cup on the lectern.)

Leader: As far as your family knows, Homer Simpson is walking in the front door right about now.
Homer: (Taking his face out of ice cream with needles sticking out) I'm sorry, what?
(Next scene at the Simpson house)
Marge: Homie!
Fake Homer: (Speaking with a German accent) Marge, honey, Fraulein, I'm home!
Marge: You're not my husband!
Fake Homer: Ja, please forgive my unexplained two week absence. To make it up to you we will go out to dinner at a sensibly-priced restaurant, then have a night of efficient German sex.
Marge: Well, I sure don't feel like cooking.

Skinner: Our mayor’s corrupted. Mr. X has done this town a great service, despite his poor grammar and spelling.
Agnes: (Off-screen) Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Skinner: (calmly) No, mother.
Agnes: You sissy.

Comic Book Guy(looking at computer) Let's see here: "X-Rated Girls", already bookmarked, "Dial X for Sex"..."Mr. X"? Hmm. Should I cross the final frontier? 

(Mr. X page loads)

Comic Book Guy: What's this? (clicks on "Quimby's Dirty Pool" link) Stolen funds? Pothole money used for swimming pool? There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

Season 11 Season 12 Quotes Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XIA Tale of Two SpringfieldsInsane Clown PoppyLisa the Tree HuggerHomer vs. DignityThe Computer Wore Menace ShoesThe Great Money CaperSkinner's Sense of SnowHOMЯPokey MomWorst Episode EverTennis the MenaceDay of the JackanapesNew Kids on the BlecchHungry, Hungry HomerBye Bye NerdieSimpson SafariTrilogy of ErrorI'm Goin' to PraiselandChildren of a Lesser ClodSimpsons Tall Tales
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