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The Computer Wore Menace Shoes |
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- [After Lisa sets up his computer, Homer goes on the Internet and visits the Springfield Police Department website. An image of Chief Wiggum's face appears on the screen.]
- Wiggum: [on-screen] If you've committed a crime and want to confess, click 'Yes'. Otherwise, click 'No'.
- [Homer clicks "No".]
- Wiggum: You have chosen 'No', meaning that you've committed a crime, but don't want to confess. A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home. [An image of a paddy wagon with a flashing siren appears in the corner of the screen.]
- Homer: [indignantly] Hey!!
- Wiggum: While you wait, why not buy a police cap or T-shirt. [Images of the items with the SPD logo appear, surrounding Wiggum's face.] You have the right to remain fabulous! [The flashing words "NOW 80% OFF" appear on the screen.]
- Homer: No one can silence me but me!
- Fake Homer: That arranged can be.
- Lenny: According to my uncle, Miss Springfield isn't as beautiful as she seems. Word is she uses appearance-altering cosmetics.
- Moe: Oh my God, that's shocking.
- Carl: The public should be warned. I wish Mr. X was here.
- Homer: [slyly] Oh, I don't know, Carl, he might be closer than you think.
- Carl: Are you him? Are you Mr. X?
- Homer: No.
- Carl: But you talked in the real sly voice. Hey, hey, everybody! Homer's Mr. X!
- Homer: I am not! ... [slyly] or am I?
- Lenny: Are you?
- Homer: No!
- Moe: Well, if Mr. X were here right now. I'd buy him a tall frosty.
- Homer: Hey, Moe. Can you keep a secret?
- Moe: No.
- Homer: Not even a little one?
- Moe: No!
- Homer: What if I just whisper it?
- Moe: No, I tells ya!
- Homer: Who are you, and why are you holding me here? I want answers now, or I want them eventually!
- Lisa: Well, you can't post news if you don't have any.
- Homer: That's a great idea! I'll just make up some news!
- Lisa: Ugh, at least take off your Pulitzer Prize when you say that!
- (Mr. X reports that Apu's bagels are really old donuts)
- Chief Wiggum: In the interests of public safety, we have confiscated every donut, bagel, cruller and bear claw in the city. And some coffee. (He takes a sip of coffee from a foam cup on the lectern.)
- Leader: As far as your family knows, Homer Simpson is walking in the front door right about now.
- Homer: (Taking his face out of ice cream with needles sticking out) I'm sorry, what?
- (Next scene at the Simpson house)
- Marge: Homie!
- Fake Homer: (Speaking with a German accent) Marge, honey, Fraulein, I'm home!
- Marge: You're not my husband!
- Fake Homer: Ja, please forgive my unexplained two week absence. To make it up to you we will go out to dinner at a sensibly-priced restaurant, then have a night of efficient German sex.
- Marge: Well, I sure don't feel like cooking.
- Skinner: Our mayor’s corrupted. Mr. X has done this town a great service, despite his poor grammar and spelling.
- Agnes: (Off-screen) Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
- Skinner: (calmly) No, mother.
- Agnes: You sissy.
- Comic Book Guy: (looking at computer) Let's see here: "X-Rated Girls", already bookmarked, "Dial X for Sex"..."Mr. X"? Hmm. Should I cross the final frontier? (Mr. X page loads) What's this? (clicks on "Quimby's Dirty Pool" link) Stolen funds? Pothole money used for swimming pool? There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!
- Homer: SAVE ME, MR. X! Wait, I'm Mr. X. [groans]
◄ Season 11 | Season 12 Quotes | Season 13 ► |
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Treehouse of Horror XI • A Tale of Two Springfields • Insane Clown Poppy • Lisa the Tree Hugger • Homer vs. Dignity • The Computer Wore Menace Shoes • The Great Money Caper • Skinner's Sense of Snow • HOMЯ • Pokey Mom • Worst Episode Ever • Tennis the Menace • Day of the Jackanapes • New Kids on the Blecch • Hungry, Hungry Homer • Bye Bye Nerdie • Simpson Safari • Trilogy of Error • I'm Goin' to Praiseland • Children of a Lesser Clod • Simpsons Tall Tales |