The Day the Violence Died/Quotes

Bart: If I ever stop loving violence, I want you to shoot me.

Bart: (referring to the educational cartoon) What the hell is this?

Lisa: It's one of those campy seventies throwbacks that appeal to Generation X-ers.

Bart: We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.

Marge: I won't have my children sitting alone on a cold, dangerous street all night. Homer, you go too.

Homer: Oh, why can't they just take the gun?

Kent Brockman: Tonight: A stowaway bear is terrorizing space shuttle astronauts. But first, a sneak peek at tomorrow's Itchy and Scratchy parade.

Chester: Before I came along, all cartoon animals did was play the Ukulele. I changed all that.

Grandpa: I thought I recognized you! I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop and you never did it!

Chester: Those corn muffins were lousy!

Grandpa: Paint my chicken coop! (bangs fists on table)

Chester: Make me! (fistfight starts)

Lawyer: Krusty, have you ever seen this so-called "animation genius" before?

Krusty: Yes I have!

Lawyer: You have?

Krusty: I gave him a couple of blintzes to paint my fence but he never did it!

Chester: Those blintzes were terrible!

Krusty: Paint my fence!

Chester: Make me! (fistfight starts)

Lionel Hutz: Alright, gentlemen, I'll take your case. But I'm going to have to ask for a thousand-dollar retainer.

Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says, "No money down!"

Lionel Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up.

Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?

Lionel Hutz: adding a comma to his card "No, money down!" Oops. I shouldn't have this Bar Association logo here either.

Lionel Hutz: If I hear "objection" and "sustained" one more time today, I think I'm going to scream.

Roger Myers, Jr.: Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy, but so what!? Animation is built on plagiarism! If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, we wouldn't have The Flintstones. If someone hadn't ripped off Sergeant Bilko, there'd be no Top Cat. Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear? Hah! Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney.

Judge Snyder: Hutz, we've been in here for four hours.

Do you have any evidence at all?

Lionel Hutz: Well, Your Honor, we've got plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.

Roger Myers, Jr.: I hope you're happy, kid. The studio's bankrupt. You just killed Itchy & Scratchy. (shuts down the Itchy & Scatchy headquaters)

Lisa: Mom, there's a weird smell and a lot of cursing coming from the basement and Dad's upstairs!

Marge: What are you gonna do with all your money, Mr.

Lampwick?

Chester J. Lampwick: Well, first off, here's your thousand dollars back for hiring that lawyer, and $750 for the drawing, and here's a couple of bucks for your trouble.

Homer: Whoo-hoo! Look, Marge! A couple of bucks!

Chester J. Lampwick: As for the rest of it, I'm gonna buy the one thing I've been dreaming of all the years I spent in the gutter: a solid gold house.

Bart: Roger Myers Jr.'s in charge of the studio now. He's a good man. Every Christmas he goes down to the pound and rescues one cat and one mouse and gives them to a hungry family.

Chester J. Lampwick: I don't need any more money. I'm not greedy. As long as I've got my health, and my millions of dollars, and my gold house, and my rocket car, I don't need anything else.

Bart: How come I've never seen that Itchy & Scratchy before?

Comic Book Guy: Perhaps because you are a prepubescent ignoramus. This is a bootleg copy of Itchy & Scratchy Meet Fritz the Cat. Because of its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption it is not for infantile intellects such as yours. Now toodle-oo.

Bart: I'll give you 10 bucks for that.

Comic Book Guy: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh.

Lisa: So it's true. Some cartoons do encourage violence. (punches Bart)

Bart: Ow! We gotta get Itchy and Scratchy back.

Lisa: And soon! (punches Bart again)

Bart: Ow!! (Lisa giggles)

Marge: How about... Ghost Mutt?