The Regina Monologues
The Fat and the Furriest
Today, I Am a Clown
(When Marge suggests that Homer get rid of the candy ball, Homer looks at it. He imagines that it comes to life)
Candy Ball: I think you should get rid of her. Then, we can be together - FOREVER!!
Homer: Ugh, Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe you're right, Candy Ball. No! Marge ... or maybe ... no!

Homer: (to Bart) CHOKE ON YOUR CANDOR!! (strangles Bart)
Lisa: You can strangle Bart, but you can't strangle your humiliation.
Homer: It's a deal!

Homer: (looking at a children's book) "The Bear Went Over The Mountain"?!
(looks at another)
Homer: "The Berenstain Bears"!! Ah! Ah!
(sighs in relief as he looks at another)
Homer: "Goldilocks."
(sees the rest of the title)
(He flees in a panic)

(After Homer throws a pine cone into the clearing, hunters emerge and pelt it with shotgun blasts. The bear whines)
Homer: Wait, stop. I know bullets can be scary, but I have an idea. First, we pull off all your fur.
(He pulls out a chunk of the bear's fur. It roars in his face)
Homer: All right, all right, I'm still thinking! (gasps, gets an idea) They're looking for a male bear, right...?
(pulls out a large knife, the bear smacks it out of his hand)
Homer: Oh, it's so easy to condemn, so hard to create!

(Grant is telling his fellow hunters how to deal with the bear)
Grant: ... Unless we take him down! (cocks shotgun)
Cletus: Yeah, all the way down. (cocks shotgun)
Grant: What you said didn't really add much. (cocks shotgun)
Cletus: I know. I just wanted to belong. (cocks shotgun)
Grant: Well, we all feel that way sometimes. (cocks shotgun)
(The bushes rustle, all the men, including Grant and Cletus, cock their shotguns)

(Homer sees fictional bears coming towards him like Paddington Bear, Winnie the Pooh, Gummi Bears and a Care Bear.)
Homer: Are you a Care Bear?
Care Bear: (Holding a crowbar) I'm an Intensive Care Bear.
Homer Simpson: Why would a bear hold a crowbar?
Care Bear: Eh, I didn't want to get my hands dirty.

Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
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