Helter Shelter
The Great Louse Detective
Special Edna
Chief Wiggum: Now, Mr. Simpson, is it possible you're living a double or triple life that your wife doesn't know about?
Homer: Triple? No, definitely no.

Chief Wiggum: Now, your case requires someone who understands the twisted mind of a murderer. And I know just where to find him.
Marge: (hopeful) Paris?
Chief Wiggum: No, no, not Paris.
Marge: (downminded) I'm never gonna go to Paris.

(Homer notices Rainier Wolfcastle in the steam room, totally naked.)
Homer: (thinking) Oh, my God, a naked celebrity, be cool, don't stare at his famous wang...
Rainier Wolfcastle: Ha ha ha, go ahead, look, the whole world already saw it on Nudist Camp Commandant. (standing up) I WORE NOTHING!!

(The Simpsons are in Campbell's Chunky Soup Maximum Security Prison)
Marge: I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.
Lisa: It still beats Disney's California Adventure.

Sideshow Bob: Hello, Bart.
Bart and Lisa: AAAHH!! Sideshow Bob!
Sideshow Bob: Oh, come now, we've been through so much together. Just call me Bob.
Bart and Lisa: AAAHH!! Bob!

Chief Wiggum: If I can tranq one freak on stilts, I know I've done my job.
Lou: You're living the dream.

Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're putting my life at risk to save your own!
Homer: You'll understand someday when you have kids.

Sideshow Bob: How can one ordinary man have so many enemies?
Homer: I'm a people person... who drinks.

(while Apu and Sideshow Bob reminisce about Bob's attempt to frame Krusty for robbing the Kwik-E-Mart)
Homer: If you two hens are finished "clucking", I would like to buy the latest issue of "Jugs & Ammo".

Moe: (after beating up a Homer dummy) Now who's the sociopath, huh?

(The Homer decoy results in Moe, Patty, Selma, Willie and Reverend Lovejoy attacking it.)
Marge: These are Homer's friends and family. They don't want him dead, they just want him to suffer.
(The real Homer tackles the decoy)
Homer: (To the decoy) Once I kill you, everyone will think I'm the real Homer! Hehehehehe!
Sideshow Bob: None of this seems odd to you.
Marge: Meh.

Jester: (Knocks on door) Homer Simpson?
Homer: Right here.
(Door opens, Revelers enter living room, as When the Saints Go Marching In is played)
Jester: You’ve been elected King of Mardi Gras!
Homer: Woo Hoo! good things do happen to bad people.
Marge: Honey the King of Mardi Gras has to ride around on a float all day. You’ll be a sitting duck!
Homer: Marge, you’re embarrassing me in front of the drag queen.

(Sideshow Bob is helping Homer, who has just been elected king of Mardi Gras, find his attempted killer)
Sideshow Bob: Homer it's a trap. You only won because someone filled the poll with these. (shows votes with all the same handwriting)
Homer: Nevertheless, the people have spoken.

(Homer's runaway King of Mardi Gras float is heading toward a building filled with swordfish.)
Lisa: (gasps) Dad's heading for the Swordfish Museum!
Marge: That museum's been nothing but trouble since it opened.

Homer: Wait! Frank Grimes wasn't married! How could he have a son?
Frank Grimes, Jr.: He happened to like hookers, okay?

Lisa: Dad! I figured it out! (opens a piece of paper) The murderer is--
Homer: We know! Frank Grimes Junior!
Lisa: Huh? (looks down at the paper, where she has written the name "Bumblebee Man") Precisely. (crumples the paper and kicks it away)

Bart: Dad, I'm really glad you're still alive.
Homer:: Yeah, it's every parent's dream to outlive their children.

Bart: (singing) You've grown accustomed to my face...
Sideshow Bob: This isn't a duet.
Bart: Sorry.

Season 13 Season 14 Quotes Season 15
Treehouse of Horror XIIIHow I Spent My Strummer VacationBart vs. Lisa vs. the Third GradeLarge MargeHelter ShelterThe Great Louse DetectiveSpecial EdnaThe Dad Who Knew Too LittleThe Strong Arms of the MaPray AnythingBarting OverI'm Spelling as Fast as I CanA Star is Born-AgainMr. Spritz Goes to WashingtonC.E. D'oh'Scuse Me While I Miss the SkyThree Gays of the CondoDude, Where's My Ranch?Old Yeller-BellyBrake My Wife, PleaseThe Bart of WarMoe Baby Blues
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