Krusty: So this afternoon, two suits come up to me and ask me to endorse a new sports utility vehicle.
Homer: [shouting] Don't you hate pants?
Agnes: Oh you’re burning it all wrong Seymour.
Principle Skinner: It's my allowance mother; I'll burn it however I want.
Bart: I don't get it, Krusty. You said you would never be a shill again!
Krusty: Me, I learned something about myself today. It ain't comedy that's in my blood. It's selling out.
Bart: What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals!
[Rod and Todd find Krusty passed out in their backyard and poke him with sticks]
Todd: Wow, a clown! Do you think he's evil?
Rod: [sniffs] He smells evil.
Todd: [sniffs] Should we tell Daddy?
Rod: No. Let's poke him a little while longer.
Homer: Heh heh heh, from now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!
Homer: You too, Bart!
Marge: Oh, knock it off, Homer; you're the fattest one in the car!
Homer: [shocked] You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!
Exec 1: Wow... they're hanging on his every word! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Exec 2: I hope so... [puts his hand on his colleague's]
Exec 1: I thought I made myself clear in Boston.
[Marge and Homer enter Moe's]
Marge: Four drink minimum?
Homer: I'll cover ya, honey.
Krusty: Last night's comedy benefit delivered wall-to-wall laughs without exception... Phew! The only exception was the dated humor of Springfield's green haired, red-nosed hack... [turns pages] Yeah yeah yeah... Krusty the Clown! Ohhhhh...
Guy: Five minutes, Krusty.
Krusty: Oh, I ain't going back out there.
Guy: No, five minutes to get your stuff and get out!
Krusty: Jay, you're a professional comedian, right? Right?? Answer me!
Jay Leno: Yes! Now, stop squirming. I'm trying to get these tangles out.
Bart: [speaks in a prissy feminine voice] Oh, they are just impossible.
[Krusty and Jay Leno stop and stare at Bart weirdly]