Homer: Burns' mansion?! But, that's Mr. Burns ' mansion!
Lou: Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We'll get to the bottom of this.
Wiggum: Excuse me, Lou. I'm supposed to say that. Acting like the chief doesn't make you the chief!
Lou: Does acting like the chief I need size 58 pants?
Wiggum: Oh, here we go with the fat jokes! You know, I just wish you could hit the easy targets on the firing range so well! (pause, sees Lou with a sad look on his face, like he's going to cry) Aw, Lou. Why do we hurt each other so?
Lou: Because sometimes it's easier to be cruel than to say what you really feel. (voices chokes up) Permission to hug, chief?
Ralph: (sees a egg) Yay! (Picks it up and puts it in the basket; it falls through a hole. He sees it again). Yay! (Picks it up again and puts it in the basket again; it falls through the hole again. He sees it again). Yay! (Picks it up again and puts it in the basket again; it falls through the hole again.)
Bart: Ralph, there's a hole in your basket.
Ralph: (Stares blankly for a while) You're Lisa's brother!
Homer: (in a fight with Hugs Bunny the Egg Hunt referee) Silly rabbit, kicks are for ribs!
Homer: You're like all Easter bunnies; can't take a punch to the crotch! So maybe next time, you'll think twice before you "volunteer to have children".
Burns: Now, while we're out, remind me to get my eyes "re-balled" and my brain flushed out with vinegar.
Smithers: Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will be back from the shop tomorrow.
Tammy: I'm Tammy, and these are the women of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
Marge: (gasp) The national organization for women of a certain age?
Agnes: Yeah, only we don't sit around watching TV and eating bonbons, except on TV-Bonbon night, which is every Tuesday and Thursday.
(Homer and Marge are having dinner in the basket of a hot-air balloon. There is a thud and the camera pans upward, showing Moe on top of the balloon)
Moe: I can't believe this happened to me twice!
(in a flashback, Milhouse is walking through Italy with Grandma Nana Sophie)
Milhouse: (voice-over) Nana hated English because in World War II, a GI left her a child, my uncle Bastardo. Nana only spoke Italian to me.
Nana Sophie: Questi, il mio cherubbino, sono della oliva. (Italian) (These, my cherub, are olives.)
Young Milhouse: I love you, Nana. (gets slapped)
Milhouse: (voice-over) Every time I spoke English, she hit me.
Young Milhouse: Ow, that hurt. (gets slapped)
Young Milhouse: I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
Nana: Milhouse Mussolini Van Houtan, parla Italiano, IDIOTA! (chases Milhouse with an olive branch)q
(back to the present)
Milhouse: That's how I learned Italian and started wetting my bed.
Marge: I never had the courage to sky dive before!
Tammy: When we get back, we have a surprise for you.
Marge: Oh! Now I really hope my chute opens!
(the girls go into a circle while Moe dives through them attempting suicide)
Moe: Goodbye, cruel world! (to the girls) Ladies.
Lisa: I studied all night. I even made flashcards. (Milhouse takes the flashcards and rips them up) My efforts!
Milhouse: Lisa, you don't learn Italian! You live Italian!
Luigi: Mr. Milhouse, I need your help! I don't know the translation to the cheese in my lasagna.
Lisa: But Luigi, surely you speak Italian.
Luigi: (sigh) No, I don't. I speak-a, how you say, fractured English. It's what my parents spoke at the home.
Miss Springfield: Joe! You said your wife was dead!
Quimby: And you said you graduated from Typing School!
Miss Springfield: I have trouble with the spacebar.
(at the Easter Egg hunt, Nelson takes four eggs from a bird's nest)
Lisa: Nelson, those don't count as Easter Eggs.
Nelson: Yeah, but they count as breakfast.
(Nelson eats one of the unhatched eggs. Several birds then fly in and begin pecking at his face)