500 Keys
The Ned-liest Catch
The Falcon and the D'ohman
Groundskeeper Willie: Me bleachers have been weaponized!

Edna: You unrepentant little twerp!
(She slaps Bart twice in the back. The kids and other teachers are in shock.)
Elizabeth Hoover: Oh, Edna.
Edna: It was an open hand. Does that help?
Seymour Skinner: Edna, we can tolerate mild alcoholism, leaving melted cheese in the microwave, even selling A's for cigarettes. But in laying a hand on a student, you have crossed the line. (To Lunch Lady Doris) Nurse, get a slap kit.
Lunch Lady Doris: Right away sir.

Edna: In all my years of teaching, I've never raised a hand to a student.
Homer: But, you learned. You grew.
Marge: No! You should never raise your hand to a child. Just leave the crust of their sandwiches. They'll get the message.
Superintendent Chalmers: Rest assured, Mrs. Simpson. We have a zero tolerance policy for this sort of thing when it occurs in front of witnesses.
Edna: What's going to happen to me?
Chalmers: Edna, you're suspended with full pay until the hearing, which is currently scheduled for 57 years from tomorrow. It was going to be 60 years but I moved it up because I like the way you torment Skinner.
Edna: Oh. So I still get my check but I get to stay home?
Seymour Skinner: I'm afraid it's not quite that simple.
Chalmers: Uh, Seymour, who's running this meeting?
Homer: (Loud whisper to Marge) I thought I was.
Chalmers: Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules on your case, on every work day you'll report to a school board holding facility... an educational limbo as it were, where you are the unbaptized dead baby.
(Edna groans)
Skinner: They never seem to like that analogy.

Ned: (after catching Edna from her fall) Did a volcano erupt in CandyLand? Because I just caught myself a flyin' red hot!

Lenny: Yeah, give me a kiss, Neddy-boy.
Seymour Skinner: That's right. Kiss all the men who have made their way to Edna's adventurous tongue.
Comic Book Guy: Including me. I shall be discreet in my tweets, but brutal in my blog.
Old Mean with Hat: With made love in so many elevators.
(Edna's face rapidly changes to other faces: Disco Stu, Black person, Bumblebee Man, Professor Frink, Krusty the Clown and Patty Bouvier)
Patty: Experiment.
(Ned looks at Springfield citizens on Edna's face and gets surprised)
Edna: What is it?!
Ned: (sighing, shocked) I.. I can't do it! Edna, call me Delta Airlines, because I can't handle your extra baggage! (Edna stands there, shocked until her face is replaced by Moe Szyslak)
Moe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No leavin' until we all spook ya on Edna's face. (He looks behind him.) Alright, pipe down down there. You'll get yer chance!
Barney: Oh, come on, Moe! Quit hoggin' her face. (Moe has moved back, revealing Barney Gumble, Kent Brockman, Arnie Pye and many others)
(Ned screams in terror and runs out the door.)

Season 21 Season 22 Quotes Season 23
Elementary School MusicalLoan-a LisaMoneyBARTTreehouse of Horror XXILisa Simpson, This Isn't Your LifeThe Fool MontyHow Munched is That Birdie in the Window?The Fight Before ChristmasDonnie FatsoMoms I'd Like to ForgetFlaming MoeHomer the FatherThe Blue and the GrayAngry Dad: The MovieThe Scorpion's TaleA Midsummer's Nice DreamLove is a Many Strangled ThingThe Great SimpsinaThe Real Housewives of Fat TonyHomer Scissorhands500 KeysThe Ned-liest Catch
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