Seymour Skinner: Edna, we can tolerate mild alcoholism, leaving melted cheese in the microwave, even selling A's for cigarettes. But in laying a hand on a student, you have crossed the line. (To Lunch Lady Doris) Nurse, get a slap kit.
Marge: No! You should never raise your hand to a child. Just leave the crust of their sandwiches. They'll get the message.
Superintendent Chalmers: Rest assured, Mrs. Simpson. We have a zero tolerance policy for this sort of thing when it occurs in front of witnesses.
Edna: What's going to happen to me?
Chalmers: Edna, you're suspended with full pay until the hearing, which is currently scheduled for 57 years from tomorrow. It was going to be 60 years but I moved it up because I like the way you torment Skinner.
Edna: Oh. So I still get my check but I get to stay home?
Chalmers: Uh, Seymour, who's running this meeting?
Homer: (Loud whisper to Marge) I thought I was.
Chalmers: Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules on your case, on every work day you'll report to a school board holding facility... an educational limbo as it were, where you are the unbaptized dead baby.
Skinner: They never seem to like that analogy.
Ned: (after catching Edna from her fall) Did a volcano erupt in CandyLand? Because I just caught myself a flyin' red hot!
Lenny: Yeah, give me a kiss, Neddy-boy.
Seymour Skinner: That's right. Kiss all the men who have made their way to Edna's adventurous tongue.
Comic Book Guy: Including me. I shall be discreet in my tweets, but brutal in my blog.
Old Mean with Hat: With made love in so many elevators.