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The Lastest Gun in the West
The Old Man and the Key
Tales from the Public Domain
Abe Simpson: (to Zelda) I just wanna say... we're through! Nobody dumps Abe Simpson! You're nothing but a hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie!
Audience: Hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie!
Charo: (shaking her maracas) Hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie!
(Zelda runs off stage crying)

Homer: (to Grampa) Do you have any idea what you put me through!? I called the police, the hospital, my bookie, the kennel. Okay, this isn't about who I called!

Homer: (sees his car in ruins; to Abe) Huh? Oh, that is it! Abraham J. Simpson, You are NEVER DRIVING AGAIN! EVER!

Bart: B6!
Homer: You sunk my Scrabble-ship!
Lisa: This game makes no sense.
Homer: Tell that to the good men that just lost their lives. Semper Fi. 

Lisa: See you later. I'm going to the library.
Abe Simpson: Lisa gets to do what she wants and you don't yell at her.
Lisa: Hey, I've earned their trust.
Abe Simpson: Oh, everybody trust Lisa. Precious little Lisa. Apple of her daddy's eye.
Homer: Lisa doesn't borrow my car and stay up all night with some hoochie.
Abe Simpson: (gasps) She's no hoocie! Her name is Zelda and she understands me.
Marge: Grampa, I gotta tell you, she's a stone-cold hoochie.
Homer: Straight up, Marge. That hoochie only likes you because you can drive.
Abe Simpson: Shut up! You don't know her! Zelda loves me! I hate this house! (runs upstairs, goes to the room, and plays loud music)

Yakov Smirnov: In Soviet Union, revue watches you!

Marge: Grampa's here to get his driver's license.
Patty: Okay, look at the eye chart and cover your left eye.
Abe Simpson: That's my seein' eye. The right one's my winkin' eye. (winks at Patty, laughing in a rather creepy manner)
Patty: I'll give you your license if you never do that again.
Abe Simpson: Oh, everything's the last time I do everything. Can't you just use this recent photo?
Selma: (sees the newspaper photo of Abe, yelling at a cloud in the sky, with "Old Man Yells at Cloud" above it) Mmm. Nah, all right. (pastes the photo on his driver's license card and gives it to Abe) Here you go.
Abe Simpson: Woo-hoo! (walks to the window and yells at the cloud) Who's laughing now? (laughs) Eh, shut up!
Season 12 Season 13 Quotes Season 14
Treehouse of Horror XIIThe Parent RapHomer the MoeA Hunka Hunka Burns in LoveThe Blunder YearsShe of Little FaithBrawl in the FamilySweets and Sour MargeJaws Wired ShutHalf-Decent ProposalThe Bart Wants What it WantsThe Lastest Gun in the WestThe Old Man and the KeyTales from the Public DomainBlame it on LisaWeekend at Burnsie'sGump RoastI Am Furious (Yellow)The Sweetest ApuLittle Girl in the Big TenThe Frying GamePoppa's Got a Brand New Badge