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Black Widower
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Homer-doh D'oh! There are some missing quotes in this article or section. You can help the wiki by embiggening it.
Homer: I went to thousands of heavy metal concerts and it never hurt me.
(Marge's voice has been drowned out by a prolonged beep)
Homer: I hear you. come on boy!

Skinner: Let me in! Let me IN!
Skinner quote 2
Ralph: He steps on the clutch, and the toilet goes flush! Hail to the--
Skinner: SHUT UP!!!
(Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding.)
Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an evicti
Otto quote
on notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
Otto: You? But, why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines.
Otto: (astonished) Wow... I had mustard?

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Multiple people quote
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Marge: No.
Otto: How 'bout anything written from the vampire's point of view?
Marge: No.
Otto: How 'bout anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.
Marge: So get that piece of paper!
Otto: I tried. Oh, Lord, how I did try!

(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
Homer quote 3
Otto quote 2
Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.

(Otto stops.)

Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
Homer: That's better.

Patty: My name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open minded.
Patty drops green pen.
Patty: I won't be needing this.

Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
Homer quote 4
Homer quote 5
Homer quote 6

Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?

Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.

Marge: I know we didn't ask for this Homer, but doesn't the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my brothers, that you do unto Me?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say "Thou shalt not take...moochers into thine...hut."

(Otto is preparing for his driver's test)
Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive" (turns the pages of his study guide): "False"?! Aw, man!
Homer quote 7

Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.

(Principal Skinner's office; Otto is under arrest for reckless driving.)
Skinner: Oh, it's a miracle no one was hurt!
Otto: Oh, I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality!
Lou: Let’s see your license, pal.
Otto: No can do. Never got one.
[Skinner palms his forehead]
Otto quote 3
Otto: But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. [Checks his undies] Oh wait, these aren't mine.
Skinner: Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay!
Otto: Who's gonna drive the bus?!
Skinner: I drove an all-terrain vehicle in Da Nang. [Stands up] I think I can handle it.
Nelson quote

Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play?
Bart: Polly-Wally-Doodle.
Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.

Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I
Otto quote 4
must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago. (gets wedgied)
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.
Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.

Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before. I've been tried as one, but...I'll do it!
Otto quote 5

Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.

Otto: I don't know about this, Bart dude. Your dad's right, I am a bum.
Bart: He didn't call you a bum. He called you a sponge.
Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!
Unknown character quote 2

Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and there’s puddles of water all over the freakin’ stage.
Rock Fan: Huh, I don’t want to lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink.
Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding...splish splash show.

(Homer is waiting outside to use the bathroom)
Homer: Open up! Open up! I gotta go, and no foolin'!
(Otto comes out of the bathroom)
Otto: Hey, Poppin' Fresh! (pokes Homer's belly): Uh, you're supposed to giggle.
(Homer growls angrily)

Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.

Bart: Mom, I want to be a rockstar.
Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?
Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....
Milhouse: (at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs) Help! Help!

Homer [singing as the SWAT Team has gathered outside the arena to dispel the riot]: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog...

Marge: I don't understand. Why don't you stay with your parents?
Otto: Oh, The Admiral and I don't get along.

Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go.
Homer: Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you.

Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!

Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a Squishee and don't spare the syrup.
Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
Bart: Oh... okay. (slurps, then stops as he finds it disgusting)
Apu: You can really taste the chutney!

Bart: I didn't know you could play the guitar, Otto Mann.
Otto: Hey, that's all I ever did in high school. My old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything. (laughs, then stops when he realizes that his father may have had a good point)

Homer: Boy, some of the best times I’ve ever had were in the back seat of a car.

(Otto returns to take his driver's test, energized by the anger that came with realizing that Homer called him a "sponge" and not a "bum")
Patty: Well, if it isn't Wee Willie Washout.
Otto: I want to take the test again!
Patty: Why?
Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head!
Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing this) Really! (hands Otto the test paper): Well, here's your written test. (whispering): I'll getcha started: B, C, D, A, B...

(During the driving test:)
Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days!
(Patty laughs)
Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!
Patty: (Laughing.) Wing!


Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
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