Ralph: He steps on the toilet, then the toilet goes flush! Hail to the--
Skinner: SHUT UP!!!
Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding.
Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
Otto: You? But, why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines.
Otto: (astonished) Wow... I had mustard?
Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?
Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.
(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.
Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
Homer: That's better.
Patty: My name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I don't want to offend you but were you were born a man? You can tell me, I'm open minded.
Patty drops green pen.
Patty: I won't be needing this.
Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?
Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this Homer, but doesn't the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the bible also say "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."
Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.
Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!
Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.
[Principal Skinner's office; Otto is under arrest for reckless driving]
Skinner: Oh, it's a miracle no one was hurt!
Otto: Oh, I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality!
Lou: Let’s see your license, pal.
Otto: No can do. Never got one.
[Skinner palms his forehead]
Otto: But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. [Checks his undies] Oh wait, these aren't mine.
Skinner: Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay!
Otto: Who's gonna drive the bus?!
Skinner: I drove an all-terrain vehicle in Da Nang. [Stands up] I think I can handle it.
Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play?
Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.
Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago.
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.
Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.
Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever!
Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, I've been tried as one but.
Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.
Otto: I don't know about this, Bart dude. Your dad was right, I am a bum...
Bart: He didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge.
Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!
Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and there’s puddles of water all over the freakin’ stage.
Rock Fan: Huh, I don’t want to lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink.
Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding splish splash show.
Spinal Tap: Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen tank, but that's supposed to be a devil. Filled up with air it's very evil and impressive. We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord!
Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.
Bart: Mom, I want to be a rockstar.
Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?
Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....
Milhouse: [at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs] Heeeelp.
Homer [singing]: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog...
Marge: I don't understand why don't you stay with your parents?
Otto: The admiral and I don't get along.
Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go.
Homer: Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you.
Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!
Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.
Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
Bart: Oh... okay…slurp
Apu: You can really taste the chutney!
Bart: Otto Mann where'd you learn how to play the guitar?
Otto: It's all I ever did in high school, but my Old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything.
Homer: Boy, some of the best times I’ve ever had were in the back seat of a car.
Otto: I want to take the test again!
Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head!
Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing Homer's name) Really!
(During the driving test)
Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days!
(Patty laughs as Otto tells her more stories of Homer and his crude behavior)
Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!