(Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding.)
Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
Otto: You? But, why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines.
Otto: (astonished) Wow... I had mustard?
Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Marge: No.
Otto: How 'bout anything written from the vampire's point of view?
Marge: No.
Otto: How 'bout anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.
Marge: So get that piece of paper!
Otto: I tried. Oh, Lord, how I did try!
(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.
(Otto stops.)
Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
Homer: That's better.
Patty: My name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open minded.
Patty drops green pen.
Patty: I won't be needing this.
Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?
Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this Homer, but doesn't the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my brothers, that you do unto Me?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say "Thou shalt not take...moochers into thine...hut."
(Otto is preparing for his driver's test)
Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive" (turns the pages of his study guide): "False"?! Aw, man!
Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.
(Principal Skinner's office; Otto is under arrest for reckless driving.)
Skinner: Oh, it's a miracle no one was hurt!
Otto: Oh, I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality!
Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.
Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago. (gets wedgied)
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.
Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.
Bart: Mom, I want to be a rockstar.
Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?
Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....
Milhouse: (at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs) Help! Help!
Homer [singing as the SWAT Team has gathered outside the arena to dispel the riot]: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog...
Marge: I don't understand. Why don't you stay with your parents?
Otto: Oh, The Admiral and I don't get along.
Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go.
Homer: Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you.
Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!
Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a Squishee and don't spare the syrup.
Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
Bart: Oh... okay. (slurps, then stops as he finds it disgusting)
Apu: You can really taste the chutney!
Bart: I didn't know you could play the guitar, Otto Mann.
Otto: Hey, that's all I ever did in high school. My old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything. (laughs, then stops when he realizes that his father may have had a good point)
Homer: Boy, some of the best times I’ve ever had were in the back seat of a car.
(Otto returns to take his driver's test, energized by the anger that came with realizing that Homer called him a "sponge" and not a "bum")
Patty: Well, if it isn't Wee Willie Washout.
Otto: I want to take the test again!
Patty: Why?
Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head!
Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing this) Really! (hands Otto the test paper): Well, here's your written test. (whispering): I'll getcha started: B, C, D, A, B...
(During the driving test:)
Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days!
(Patty laughs)
Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!
