Black Widower
The Otto Show
Bart's Friend Falls in Love
Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding.
Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me
Otto: You? But, why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent
Otto: Well, can't I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: I already got all your personal possessions for you. All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.
Otto{astonished}: Whoa... I have mustard?

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Marge: No.
Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?
Marge: No.
Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.

(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.

(Otto stops.)

Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
Homer: That's better.

Patty: Hello, my name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Were you always a woman? I mean no offense but you were born a man? You can tell me, I'm open minded.
Patty drops green pen.
Patty: I won't be needing this.

Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?

Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.

Marge: I know we did not ask for this Homer, but does not the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"
Homer: I think it also says "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."

Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.

Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.

Headmaster's office. Otto is under arrest for reckless driving.
Lou: Let’s see your license, pal!
Otto: No can-do, never got one. But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. Oh wait, these aren't mine!
Principal Skinner: Well then that tears it, mister. Until you get yourself a commercial driver's license and learn to wear your own clothes, you are suspended without pay!
Otto is shocked at his punishment
Otto: But...who is going to drive the school bus?
Principal Skinner: I drove an all-terrain vehicle in Vietnam. I think I can handle it.

Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play?
Bart: Polly-Wally-Doodle.
Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.

Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago.
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.
Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.

Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever!
Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, I've been tried as one but.

Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.

Otto: I guess I am a bum...
Bart: Homer didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge.
Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!

Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and there’s puddles of water all over the freakin’ stage.
Guy: Huh, I don’t wanna lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink.
Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding splish splash show.

Spinal Tap: Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen tank, but that's supposed to be a devil. Filled up with air it's very evil and impressive. We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord!

Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.

Bart: Mom, I wanna be a rockstar.
Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?
Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....
Milhouse: [at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs] Heeeelp.

Homer [singing]: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog...

Marge: I don't understand why don't you stay with your parents?
Otto: The admiral and I don't get along.

Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go!
Homer: Forget it! That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you!

Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!

Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.
Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
Bart: Oh... okay…slurp
Apu: You can really taste the chutney!

Bart: Otto Mann where'd you learn how to play the guitar?
Otto: It's all I ever did in high school, but my Old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything.

Homer: Boy, some of the best times I’ve ever had were in the back seat of a car..

Otto: I want to take the test again!
Patty: Why?
Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head!
Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing Homer's name) Really!

(During the driving test)
Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days!
(Patty laughs as Otto tells her more stories of Homer and his crude behavior)
Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!
Patty:(laughing) Wing!

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
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