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My Mother the Carjacker
The President Wore Pearls
The Regina Monologues
Groundskeeper Willie: [offscreen in the Teacher's Lounge, mocking Milhouse] Look at me! I'm Milhouse! I've tucked me shirt into me underpants!
Teachers: [laughing]
Groundskeeper Willie: [continuing the mockery] I've got no friends, so I've confided Willie!
Teachers: [laughing]

Ralph: Lisa is a sellout! Lisa is a sellout! Lisa, what's a sellout?

Homer: (dressed in a tutu) My name is Nelson, I use a salad fork, la-de-da, I wash my face.
Marge: Where did you get that tutu?
Homer: Clothesline. (runs off giggling and throwing flowers in the air)

Homer: (to Lisa) I'm not driving 45 minutes a day! You can't go to that school!
Lisa: But this is my dream!
Homer: Why can't you have a normal dream, like being an Olympic figure-skater?
Lisa: Okay, let me take figure-skating.
Homer: Are you crazy? I'm not getting up at 6:30 every morning so you can prance around a frozen pond and think you're better than me.
Lisa: Well, what can I be?
Homer: I dunno, how about a horse whisperer?
Lisa: Okay!
Homer: Over my dead body!

Bart: Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, every time she turns around, it goes putt-putt.

Marge: (while at the school's Vegas Night) I really shouldn't be here. I have a problem with games of chance. I played Candy Land with Maggie and ended up throwing vodka in her face.

Skinner: Our budget is stretched tighter than Mother's sauna pants.
(Agnes shows up in a pink sauna suit)
Agnes: Seymour, quit using me in analogies.
Skinner: Yes, Mother!

Bart: Wake up, Lisa. Skinner is using you like a pawn in his unholy chess set.
Homer: On my chess set, the pawns are all Hamburglars.

Nelson: (singing) I am Iron Man. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Vote for me! Nah, screw it.

Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
Treehouse of Horror XIVMy Mother the CarjackerThe President Wore PearlsThe Regina MonologuesThe Fat and the FurriestToday, I Am a Clown'Tis the Fifteenth SeasonMarge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and GaysI, D'oh-BotDiatribe of a Mad HousewifeMargical History TourMilhouse Doesn't Live Here AnymoreSmart and SmarterThe Ziff Who Came to DinnerCo-Dependent's DayThe Wandering JuvieMy Big Fat Geek WeddingCatch 'Em if You CanSimple SimpsonThe Way We Weren'tBart-Mangled BannerFraudcast News