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The Serfsons |
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- [Marge cooks food for her family]
- Homer: Aw, water soup again?
- [Marge knocks out a three eyed crow and adds it to the soup]
- Marge: Now, it's crow soup.
- Homer: Ooh, I call an eye!
- Lisa: Me too!
- Bart: Me three!
- Marge: And Maggie gets the beak.
- [Marge plucks the beak out and gives it to Maggie]
- Maggie: Aaaeeey! Uh-Ah!
- [Maggie uses the beak as a passy and sucks on it]
- Lisa: Lousy nobles. We serfs are starving, while they're feasting and jousting and posing for tapestries, where they're friends with a unicorn. As if any unicorn would like them. Unicorns like nice people. I'm a nice person.
- [Homer pokes his father's spider web, looking for his mother-in-law's]
- Grandpa: Son, is that you?
- Homer: No.
- Lisa: See how the heads of rich people get the tallest pikes with the best view? It's so unfair.
- Marge: In a great country like ours, a poor girl can grow up to be anything she wants. A wife, or a harlot, and that's it.
- Jacqueline: I want her to be a harlot, but it's all who you know.
- Marge: It's never too late. Everyone is someone's weird fetish.
- Marge: Is my mom gonna be okay?
- Dr. Hibbert: I'm sorry, but a week from now, your mother will be frozen solid.
- Marge: No! No, that can't be! She's barely into her hag years!
- Marge: Okay, we just need to come up with 100 gold pieces. How much do we have in our savings?
- Homer: Hmmm, let me think ... there's that thing ... and I had that things ... What are savings?
- Marge: Homer Serfson! You are the most selfish jerk in the entire tri-kingdom area! I should have listened to that witch and married my twin brother Marcory.
- Marcory: Always here if you need me, sis.
- Marcory: Good things come to those who wait.
- Homer: It's not like I want to kill her mother, I just want to let her die from neglect.
- Moe: Uh, let's see here, an urgent message for M'lady Gwendolyn Parts. Uh, M'lady Parts? Has anyone seen M'lady Parts? Can somebody grab M'lady Parts?
- Barney: That depends. How big is your dowry?
- Mr. Burns: Serfson, you've pushed that wheel around and around for 20 years. Have you ever wondered why?
- Homer: Mostly, I just push it.
- Mr. Burns: Have you ever noticed, that the wheel isn't hooked up to anything?
- Homer: [gasp] The rumors were true!
- Mr. Burns: But your work does produce something very special. Human misery, which, when collected, ground into a powder, and snorted, gives rich people tiny wings, that do nothing.
- Homer: A lead lick a day keeps the doctor a-bluuuuuuh.
- Homer: No daughter of mine is gunna end up in the hex trade. Let's go buy that amulet. And don't worry, mom's the word.
- Azzlan: Did you say, "The Word"?
- Homer/Lisa: Ugh, Hi Azzlan.
- [Bart kills a Milhouse troll with a Medieval flair tether ball]
- Bart: 12-nothing. My serve.
- [It is revealed there is an entire gang of Milhouse trolls]
- Milhouse: You know, eventually, you're gonna run out of us.
- Bart: I said "My serve".
- Marge: I said it when I was 11, and I'll say it now. You're the greatest husband in the world.
- Jacqueline: I've lived a full life. I saw a drawing of an ocean. I watched my daughter marry an ogre.
- Homer: I am not an ogre. My father married an ogre, after my mother was eaten by a different ogre.
- Bart: Is it really so bad for Grandma, if she dies? Won't she spend eternity in the fields of bliss?
- Homer: Yeah, we're all going to the fields of bliss, where the days are past and frolic most joyous.
- Bart: Just frolicking? That's it?
- Homer: Sometimes, you wave ribbons through the air, but mainly frolicking.
- Bart: Doesn't that get old?
- Homer: Did I mention the ribbons, cuz there's ribbons.
- [Several men come up and explain their religious beliefs]
- Duffman: Fields of bliss? Nonsense. The afterlife is an eternity of slaughtering and being slaughtered by your enemies. Oh yeah!
- Kirk: You're both wrong. After death, you spend all day, counting Goblin Jesus' money, and it better all be there.
- Horatio: 71 Mermaids. Some, where the fish is the top part. Top!
- Otto: Mushrooms! Everywhere, mushrooms!
- [Homer punches out Otto]
- Homer: Gr! Frolicking in ribbons!
- Bart: Yeah, but, what if after we die, that's it? We're just gone.
- [Everyone gasps]
- Clancy: Do, just poof? Really? Poof and then, just super nothing?
- Bart: m-M-m.
- Clancy: Well, it's clean. I'll give you that.
- Marge: What do you want to ask your grandma?
- Bart: I got nothing. I might take a stroll and enjoy the golden age of cleavage.
- Marge: Lisa?
- Lisa: Uh ...
- Maggie: [suck, suck]
- Lisa: Oh, well, Grandma, tell us of your most ardent swain.
- Jacqueline: I dated a shape shifter once. I thought I could keep him from changing. I was wrong. Love is a fairy tale!
- Lisa: [sadly] Oh.
- [Homer appears out of nowhere]
- Homer: [loudly whispering, what he doesn't mean] EVERY MOMENT WITH HER IS A PRECIOUS GIFT!
- Bart: Abra-Caramba!
- Marge: How are we going to get over these walls?
- [A league of Treants walk up]
- Treant: Walls can not stop us. The trees will fight with you.
- Homer: We will never forget your sacrifice. [takes out an axe]
- Treant: Sacrifice?
- [Everyone had cut down the trees and turned them into ladders]
- Treant: We could have torn down the castle walls in 5 minutes.
- Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh. Trees can't talk, silly.
- [Homer cuts the face off the Treant]
- Bart: Milhouses, save your girlfriend.
- [The Milhouses start rushing to save Lisa]
- Lisa: Okay, no. Uh, I'm just a friend, who is a girl.
- Milhouses: There's something to build on.
- [Wolfcastle rides in, on a dragon]
- Wolfcastle: You peasants are a dragon the economy.
- Sideshow Mel: Oh, I get it, because he's riding a dragon.
- [Wolfcastle burns Mel alive]
- Sideshow Mel: AAAAAGH! My love for wordplay is undiminished!
- [Mel dies]
- Jacqueline: Life is about moving forward. Girls want to be women, women want to be mothers, mother want to be grandmas, and grandmas want to know what comes next.
- Lisa: As long as Grandma lives on in our hearts, then she's never truly gone.
- Bart: Until we die, then it's like she never existed.