The Serfsons
Springfield Splendor
[Marge cooks food for her family]
Homer: Aw, water soup again?
[Marge knocks out a three eyed crow and adds it to the soup]
Marge: Now, it's crow soup.
Homer: Ooh, I call an eye!
Lisa: Me too!
Bart: Me three!
Marge: And Maggie gets the beak.
[Marge plucks the beak out and gives it to Maggie]
Maggie: Aaaeeey! Uh-Ah!
[Maggie uses the beak as a passy and sucks on it]

Lisa: Lousy nobles. We serfs are starving, while they're feasting and jousting and posing for tapestries, where they're friends with a unicorn. As if any unicorn would like them. Unicorns like nice people. I'm a nice person.

[Homer pokes his father's spider web, looking for his mother-in-law's]
Grandpa: Son, is that you?
Homer: No.

Lisa: See how the heads of rich people get the tallest pikes with the best view? It's so unfair.

Marge: In a great country like ours, a poor girl can grow up to be anything she wants. A wife, or a harlot, and that's it.
Jacqueline: I want her to be a harlot, but it's all who you know.
Marge: It's never too late. Everyone is someone's weird fetish.

Marge: Is my mom gonna be okay?
Dr. Hibbert: I'm sorry, but a week from now, your mother will be frozen solid.
Marge: No! No, that can't be! She's barely into her hag years!

Marge: Okay, we just need to come up with 100 gold pieces. How much do we have in our savings?
Homer: Hmmm, let me think ... there's that thing ... and I had that things ... What are savings?

Marge: Homer Serfson! You are the most selfish jerk in the entire tri-kingdom area! I should have listened to that witch and married my twin brother Marcory.
Marcory: Always here if you need me, sis.

Marcory: Good things come to those who wait.

Homer: It's not like I want to kill her mother, I just want to let her die from neglect.

Moe: Uh, let's see here, an urgent message for M'lady Gwendolyn Parts. Uh, M'lady Parts? Has anyone seen M'lady Parts? Can somebody grab M'lady Parts?
Barney: That depends. How big is your dowry?

Mr. Burns: Serfson, you've pushed that wheel around and around for 20 years. Have you ever wondered why?
Homer: Mostly, I just push it.
Mr. Burns: Have you ever noticed, that the wheel isn't hooked up to anything?
Homer: [gasp] The rumors were true!
Mr. Burns: But your work does produce something very special. Human misery, which, when collected, ground into a powder, and snorted, gives rich people tiny wings, that do nothing.

Homer: A lead lick a day keeps the doctor a-bluuuuuuh.

Homer: No daughter of mine is gunna end up in the hex trade. Let's go buy that amulet. And don't worry, mom's the word.
Azzlan: Did you say, "The Word"?
Homer/Lisa: Ugh, Hi Azzlan.

[Bart kills a Milhouse troll with a Medieval flair tether ball]
Bart: 12-nothing. My serve.
[It is revealed there is an entire gang of Milhouse trolls]
Milhouse: You know, eventually, you're gonna run out of us.
Bart: I said "My serve".

Marge: I said it when I was 11, and I'll say it now. You're the greatest husband in the world.

Jacqueline: I've lived a full life. I saw a drawing of an ocean. I watched my daughter marry an ogre.
Homer: I am not an ogre. My father married an ogre, after my mother was eaten by a different ogre.

Bart: Is it really so bad for Grandma, if she dies? Won't she spend eternity in the fields of bliss?
Homer: Yeah, we're all going to the fields of bliss, where the days are past and frolic most joyous.
Bart: Just frolicking? That's it?
Homer: Sometimes, you wave ribbons through the air, but mainly frolicking.
Bart: Doesn't that get old?
Homer: Did I mention the ribbons, cuz there's ribbons.
[Several men come up and explain their religious beliefs]
Duffman: Fields of bliss? Nonsense. The afterlife is an eternity of slaughtering and being slaughtered by your enemies. Oh yeah!
Kirk: You're both wrong. After death, you spend all day, counting Goblin Jesus' money, and it better all be there.
Horatio: 71 Mermaids. Some, where the fish is the top part. Top!
Otto: Mushrooms! Everywhere, mushrooms!
[Homer punches out Otto]
Homer: Gr! Frolicking in ribbons!
Bart: Yeah, but, what if after we die, that's it? We're just gone.
[Everyone gasps]
Clancy: Do, just poof? Really? Poof and then, just super nothing?
Bart: m-M-m.
Clancy: Well, it's clean. I'll give you that.

Marge: What do you want to ask your grandma?
Bart: I got nothing. I might take a stroll and enjoy the golden age of cleavage.
Marge: Lisa?
Lisa: Uh ...
Maggie: [suck, suck]
Lisa: Oh, well, Grandma, tell us of your most ardent swain.
Jacqueline: I dated a shape shifter once. I thought I could keep him from changing. I was wrong. Love is a fairy tale!
Lisa: [sadly] Oh.
[Homer appears out of nowhere]
Homer: [loudly whispering, what he doesn't mean] EVERY MOMENT WITH HER IS A PRECIOUS GIFT!

Bart: Abra-Caramba!

Marge: How are we going to get over these walls?
[A league of Treants walk up]
Treant: Walls can not stop us. The trees will fight with you.
Homer: We will never forget your sacrifice. [takes out an axe]
Treant: Sacrifice?
[Everyone had cut down the trees and turned them into ladders]
Treant: We could have torn down the castle walls in 5 minutes.
Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh. Trees can't talk, silly.
[Homer cuts the face off the Treant]

Bart: Milhouses, save your girlfriend.
[The Milhouses start rushing to save Lisa]
Lisa: Okay, no. Uh, I'm just a friend, who is a girl.
Milhouses: There's something to build on.

[Wolfcastle rides in, on a dragon]
Wolfcastle: You peasants are a dragon the economy.
Sideshow Mel: Oh, I get it, because he's riding a dragon.
[Wolfcastle burns Mel alive]
Sideshow Mel: AAAAAGH! My love for wordplay is undiminished!
[Mel dies]

Jacqueline: Life is about moving forward. Girls want to be women, women want to be mothers, mother want to be grandmas, and grandmas want to know what comes next.

Lisa: As long as Grandma lives on in our hearts, then she's never truly gone.
Bart: Until we die, then it's like she never existed.

Season 28 Season 29 Quotes Season 30
The SerfsonsSpringfield SplendorWhistler's FatherTreehouse of Horror XXVIIIGrampy Can Ya Hear MeThe Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to BeSingin' in the LaneMr. Lisa's OpusGone BoyHaw-Haw LandFrink Gets TestyHomer Is Where the Art Isn't3 Scenes Plus a Tag from a MarriageFears of a ClownNo Good Read Goes UnpunishedKing LeerLisa Gets the BluesForgive and RegretLeft BehindThrow Grampa from the DaneFlanders' Ladder
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