The Simpsons Game/Quotes

General

References/Trivia

Appearances

Extras

Quotes

Credits

[Homer wakes up from a dream about The Land of Chocolate]

Homer: Not dreaming, not dreaming, not drea... Wha...? ****it, I was dreaming! Why is life so unfair? All I want is the ability to eat everything in sight and turn into a giant ball?! Is that too much to ask?! **** you, reality!

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White Chocolate Rabbit: Excuse me, fatty. You're eating our world!

Homer: Hey! You look like that rabbit thing from that book about a girl named Alice who goes to Wonderland! What was it called? Oh yeah, Snow White in Stupidtown!

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[After finding the "The Simpsons Game" guide]

Bart: "The Simpsons Game"? The only Simpsons game I can think of is the one where we pretend dad isn't an alcoholic.

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[At the Japanese land in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game]

Homer: Okay, I'm in this stupid Japanese game. But I'm not eating sushi, unless it's covered in chocolate and there's no sushi in it.

Lisa: An ancient Japanese village. I love learning about any culture, except American.

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[At Matt Groening's mansion in Five Characters in Search of an Author]

Homer: This mansion is even bigger then the inside of Snoopy's dog house!

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[When using Bartman's grapple hook move for the first time]

Bart: I'm like Spider-Man in a Batman costume.

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Lisa: No game is safe from an industry that's always changing. Sure "The Simpsons Game" is fun, with its unique upgradable character abilities and its hilarious self-referential cutscenes, but what about when the Xbox 720 comes out? Or the Playstation 4? No one will want to play us then!

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[After Bart and Lisa destroy Mr. Burns' lumbering plant in Lisa the Tree Hugger]

Mr. Burns: All I wanted was to destroy our delicate ecosystem. And this is the thanks I get. [sighs]

Smithers: I'm sorry, sir. Want me to get some goons to rough up Al Gore?

Mr. Burns: I'd like that.

[Smithers pulls his cellphone out]

---

[Inisde Mayor Quimby's pool]

EA Executive: Congratulations, Quimby. You've made Grand Theft Scratchy Day a tremendous success.

Mayor Quimby: Thank you, ----. Why don't we celebrate with some interns?

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[At the game engine in Bargain Bin]

Homer: Oh, my God! It's a nerd!

Will Wright: That's right. The nerdiest nerd in all the computerverse! [laughs]

Lisa: Dad, that's Will Wright. Designer of Sim City and The Sims.

Will Wright: Don't forget my biggest flop: Sim Sandwich. Its failure drove me mad. Mad!

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[At their spaceship, watching Bart and Lisa talking to Captain McCallister after they defeated the dolphins]

Kodos: They foiled our plot. We must have revenge!

Kang: Revenge!

Kodos: Vengeance!

Kang: Revenge!

Kodos: Payback is ours!

[An oven rings]

Kang: The mini-eggrolls are done.

[They take out a tray of eggrolls and start eating them]

Kodos: Eggrolls!

Kang: Delicious!

Kodos: Hot! Revenge!

Kang: Revenge!

Kodos: Eggrolls!

Kang: Dipping sauce!

Kodos: Eggrolls!

[Slight pause]

Kang: Revenge!

---

[A video game cartridge opens revealing pixelated versions of the Simpsons]

Homer: Wow. We look so pixely!

Bart: And poorly rendered.

Marge: Which one's supposed to be me?

Lisa: [to Will Wright] Don't destroy them! They may be obsolete but they're still... alive.

8-bit Homer: Help! He's crazy!

8-bit Bart: If he destroys us, we'll never escape from Krusty Island!

8-bit Marge: I'm Marge!

Homer: (to Will Wright) You can't do this!

Will Wright: Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, **tch, and pretty soon when there's a new better Simpsons game than the one you're from, I'll destroy you, too!

---

[After being transported to the game engine]

Marge: Where are we?

Lisa: We're in the game engine. If our life's a video game, then this is the factory where it was made.

Homer: That's ridiculous! I'm not a video game character, I'm a real-life person with dreams and feelings. [He accidentally walks off a ledge and falls, only to reappear next to them again] Alright, fine. I'm a video game guy.

Marge: Now can I ask a question? If this is a videogame, where do we put the quarters?

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[Lenny and Carl are up a tree watching birds]

Lenny: [A bird chirps] Hey, that sounds like a tree swallow.

Carl: No, it sounds like a yellow crowned heron. [Saw noises] Oh my god! That sounds like a chainsaw!

Lenny: No, that sounds like a buzzsaw. [The tree falls with them on it on a conveyor belt and get trapped under the debris] Hey Carl, why do we fight so much?

Carl: Sometimes I think it's all we have left.

---

[In live, showing Lard Lad destroying the city]

Kent Brockman: [Being filmed, Homer and Bart run towards Lard Lad and push Kent out of the way. He gets up and chases Homer and Bart] Good evening, Springfield. Kent Brockman here, chasing local imbecile Homer Simpson and his delinquent son Bart, who have picked a fight with an out-of-control Donut Mascot statue. [To Bart] Bart Simpson, are you and your father insane?

Homer: [Grabs the mike] Hi, Lenny, I'm on TV! I said your name on TV - don't tell Carl! Unless he's watching this, in which case: hi, Carl, don't tell Lenny I said your name!

[Homer and Bart continue running and Kent gets in a helicopter]

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[In the creator's mansion garden]

Bart: This is it...the home of our creator! I say we smash his face, bust his stuff, and take a leak on his lawn!

Homer: Way ahead of you, boy! [Homer is peeing on the dollar sign-shaped bushes. Bart laughs and does the same while a camera sees them. On his office, the creator is sit on his chair and turns around, revealing he is Matt Groening]

Matt Groening: [sees Homer and Bart through a screen] So they want a war?! Well, then it's a war they'll get! Violet, engage the super toon defense systems!

Violet: Yes, Mister Groaning.

Matt: It's "Grey-ning"!

Violet: Are you sure?

Matt: No.

[Homer and Bart arrive to his office]

Bart: I bet you our creator is like a thousand foot Godzilla, with big boobs and he breathes fire snot.

Matt: Think again, your creator is TV's most beloved animation visionary.

Homer: Seth MacFarlane?

Matt: Aah! [speaking in a french accent] Say hello to my little friends. [Draws a picture of Bender and Dr. Zoidberg that comes to life.]

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[At the Heaven, after defeating God in a Dance Dance Revolution game]

Bart: All right, loser! You stop the destruction of our town and give us some answers, or these save games go in the drink! [shows God's "Infinite MB Memory Card"]

God: No! My saved games! Stop! I'm on the final boss fight in Oblivion, and I can't start again from the beginning!

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(Homer and Bart are fighting the Rigellians)

Homer: Attaboy! Kill things that are different!

Homer: Kill them, Bart! They are ugly like Patty and Selma combined!

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(at the realm of Mr. Dirt in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game)

Homer: You got to admit, the Japanese makes a great DVD player.

Mr. Dirt: Irrashamasei, Lisa. That means "Welcome". The Lisa means Lisa.

Mr. Dirt: No offence Mr. Simpson, but I got to destroy you. Sorry.

Mr. Dirt: You're all gonna pay! (when Homer and Lisa attack Comic Book Guy sumos)

Jimbo: Hey lame-wads! Follow me so I can totally stomp your butts!

Jimbo: (after he lost the battle) Way to go, Ratachu-lax! (screams in frustration)

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(in NeverQuest, Marge is rescuing the hobbits while Homer fights Selmatty)

Marge: Over here, you little idiots!

Marge: I'm like Gandalf, but sexy.

Homer: This is like one of these Police Academy movies.

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(in NeverQuest, Marge and Homer are in Selmatty's dungeon)

Morc: Hi, I'm Orc Moe and I'm going to kick your *s in every way!

Homer: You shall not pass! Wind!

Morc: Angry berserker Orc Moe!

Homer: Hey middle-earthies! Eat my sword! Hope that doesn't sound too gay.

Homer: (in Helium Homer mode) Wow! I'm flying! I wonder if it's science or magic or super farts?

Morc: Uh, I peed my orc diaper.

Homer: This is for teaching you a lesson for someone who can't watch 5 minutes of Lord of the Rings before falling asleep!

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(In NeverQuest, Homer and Marge are in the maze with the overhead view)

Announcer: Save keys to open doors.

Announcer: I like eggs.

Announcer: Homer needs food badly.

Announcer: Marge is about to die.

Announcer: Homer, your health bar is running low.

Homer: Oh, can't you say something more positive?

Announcer: Homer is about to die.

Homer: No, you're about to die!

---

(In Shadow of the Colossal Donut, Homer and Bart are fighting miniature Krusty dolls)

Homer: Ew, tiny bugs dressed like clowns!

Homer: (in Helium Homer mode) Heeheeheeheeheehee, me floatie.

Homer: (in Helium Homer mode) Look at me! I'm bloating like a princess!

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(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are fighting earth sumos)

Homer: Dude, get your shirt on!

Lisa: You're not a very good host!

Lisa: You're a culture vampire!

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(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are in the volcano realm)

Lisa: I'm sensing some volcanic activity dad.

Homer: (while fighting the fire sumos) Your breath smells like pumice!

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(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are in the glacier realm)

Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: We're going to flame you! Oh wait, we're ice now. Sorry.

Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: Here comes the abominable snow nerd!

Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: The snow..... so beautiful...

Lisa: I could really go for a daikon radish right now.

Lisa: (fighting ice sumos) Might be chilly without a shirt on!

Homer: (fighting ice sumos) Frosty the Snowman kisses your mother!

Ralph: It's my turn to play! Yippee!

Ralph: I made ice poo!

Ralph: Roundhouse Ninja Attack Turtle!

Ralph: (after his sparklemon is defeated) Daddy, these two strangers have taken my Sparkle-man! Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

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(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Lisa and Homer are going to the sky realm)

Homer: Uh, I don't know if I'm going to be air-sick or seasick!

Homer: (fighting sky sumos) Bring it, skyhole.

Homer: (fighting sky sumos) Sky Sumo! Come out and play!

Homer: (fighting sky sumos) Is the rain your pee? Let's fight!

Sherri: Oh, Lisa, I heard Mr. Dirt has a crush on you!

Milhouse: Shut up, guys! Jeez!

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(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Lisa and Homer are fighting Sherri and Terri's Dirty Donkey)

Sherri: Terri let you win, she totally had a crush on you.

Terri: Oh, my God! (hits Sherri on the elbow) Will you shut up?! I'm serious!

Mr. Sparkle: Head without body eat all day never up-throw! (cleans off by Donkey Sparklemon into a Pokemon ball and Homer catches a third sparkle on ball)

Milhouse: Oh, man! You beat the third one, too?! Fine. Whatever. I'm gonna cry at the Temple of the Two Moons. So don't follow me! I mean it!

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(In Five Characters in Search of an Author, Homer and Bart are fighting Matt Groening's thugs)

Bender: I'm gonna go I-Robot on your **ses!

Bender: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Bender: Aw, I broke my hard drive!

Bender: I'm gonna need a sexy robot nurse!