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The Springfield Connection |
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- Chief Wiggum: Becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
- Marge: Be careful! These are dangerous streets for us upper-lower-middle-class types!
- Bart: Wow, Mom! I never pictured you as any kind of authority figure before!
- Homer: You've become such a cop! Not that long ago, you were so much more to me! You were a cleaner of pots, a sewer of buttons, an unplugger of hairy clogs!
- Marge: I'm still all those things. Only now I'm cleaning up the city, sewing together the social fabric, and unplugging the clogs of our legal system.
- Homer: You're cooking what for dinner?
- Homer: Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the police academy I thought it'd be fun and exciting! You know, like that movie, Spaceballs! Instead it's been painful and disturbing, like that movie Police Academy!
- Homer: You being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman! And I have no interest in that. Besides occasionally wearing the underwear which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
- Marge: Don't stop talking on account of me. I may be a cop, but I'm still your friend. So how are you, Ms. Krabappel?
- Edna: Law-abiding.
- Lisa: Mom, was catching that guy the most exciting thing you've ever done?
- Marge: Well, it was pretty exciting. But celery soup's pretty exciting too!
- Marge: I got a report on a domestic disturbance at this address.
- Seymour: Yes, indeed there is. There's an inflatable bath pillow that Mother and I both enjoy. She claimed it was her day to use it. I said she was mistaken. We quarreled. Later, as I prepared to bathe I noticed, to my horror, that someone had slashed the pillow.
- Marge: Who called the police?
- Seymour and Agnes: We both did.
- Lionel Hutz: I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private. You stick your nose in, you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality.
- (While playing cards with others, Homer offers to grab more beer from the garage.)
- Herman: Now, I'll- I'll get it for you, Homer.
- Homer: Hmm... I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage?
- Moe: The garage? Hey, fellas, the garage? Well, ooh la dee dah, Mister Frenchman!
- Homer: Well, what do you call it?
- Moe: A carhole!
- Homer: (gasps) A counterfeit jean ring operating out of my carhole! I'm gonna tell everyone. Wait here.
- Herman: (cocks gun) Not so fast.
- Homer: Ok... (walks slower)
- Herman: Maybe you should just stop entirely. ----Homer: Marge! (Homer is pulled into the treehouse by Herman, Marge pursues)
- Bart and Lisa: (watching from the window) Go get him mom!
- Marge: Go back to bed. Don't make me come up there. (Bart and Lisa groan, then Bart turns the light off, but they continue to watch)
- Herman: Looks like your wife is embarking up the wrong tree. (aims gun at entrance)
- Marge: Freeze! Every mother knows the secret entrance to her son's treehouse. (knocks Herman over, disarming him)
- Homer: Oh, Marge, you saved my life! I'm sorry I teased you. You are a really good cop. I'm proud of you.
- Herman: So long, gotta catch the 5:01. (Uses counterfeit jeans to slide down a rope)
- Homer: He's getting away, you blew it Marge.
- Marge: I don't think so. (the jeans rip)
- Herman: Oh, foiled by my own shoddy merchandise!