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Simpson Tide
The Trouble with Trillions
Girly Edition
Homer: Would you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago!

Chief Wiggum: Alright, people, listen up. The harder you push, the faster we will all get out of here.

Todd: Daddy, what do taxes pay for?
Ned: Why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine, and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em.

Milhouse: (Posing shirtless while photographing himself) My shirt fell off.

Mr. Burns: Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free.

(After flying to Cuba)
Mr. Burns: Sorry about the landing, boys. This fog is so thick I can't see my own cataracts.

Homer: It's hard to believe there's a place worse than America, but we found it.

Homer: Shut up, shut up! If I don't hear you, it's not illegal!

Homer: (Running a stoplight) If I don't see it, it's not illegal!

Homer: (Filling out his tax return) Okay, Marge, if anybody asks, you require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

Homer: Marge, how many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate.

Homer: Any of you involved in any illegal activity? 'Cause I could sure go for some!
FBI Agent: (shocked at his blatant methods) Oh, God!
Homer: How about you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Lenny?
Lenny: You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer?
Homer: Maybe. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up.
Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement?
Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled?
Homer: Uh, like those. But involving you.
Moe: Oh. You mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush?
Homer: Barney?! That was me! And I'd do it again.

Moe: Hey, how did they finger Charlie? Somebody must've ratted him out!
Homer: Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. End transmission.

Homer: I can't go to prison! They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie!
FBI Agent: You won't be seeing any prison movies where you're going: prison!

FBI Agent: Let's take a walk.
Homer: Walk?! That wasn't part of the deal!

Homer: You don't know how big the government is. It goes all the way up to the President!

Homer: Does this make me look fat?
Lisa: No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression.
Homer: But not fat?

Mr. Burns: That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather, Franklin Jefferson Burns, tossing that without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Finway Flounder.
Homer: Is that a fish?
Mr. Burns: It was.

Mr. Burns: I'm not the thief; the government is. Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier.

Frenchman 1: Well, this is a kick in the knickers. Should we complain to someone?
Frenchman 2: No. I say we just act snooty to Americans for ever.

FBI Agent: Attention, fugitives. You are leaving US jurisdiction. Turn back immediately or we will be unable to prosecute you.
Homer: We better do what he says!

FBI Agent: They'll be back. They'll miss American TV.

Mr. Burns: (Pointing to a display case) Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.

Homer: I call President!
Mr. Burns: Vice President!
Smithers: Aw!

Homer: (Wearing an FBI listening device.) Hey, see you're watching the ball game. Looks like a good one. Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Cause I could sure go for some. How bout you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Lenny?
Lenny: You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer?
Homer: Maybe. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up.
Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement?
Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled?
Homer: Uh... like those, but involving you.
Moe: Oh, you mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush?
Homer: Barney!? That was me! And I'd do it again.

Mr. Burns: if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to Communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!


Season 8 Season 9 Quotes Season 10
The City of New York vs. Homer SimpsonThe Principal and the PauperLisa's SaxTreehouse of Horror VIIIThe Cartridge FamilyBart StarThe Two Mrs. NahasapeemapetilonsLisa the SkepticRealty BitesMiracle on Evergreen TerraceAll Singing, All DancingBart CarnyThe Joy of SectDas BusThe Last Temptation of KrustDumbbell IndemnityLisa the SimpsonThis Little WiggySimpson TideThe Trouble with TrillionsGirly EditionTrash of the TitansKing of the HillLost Our LisaNatural Born Kissers
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