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The War of the Simpsons |
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- Barney: (to Patty) Hey! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you. But I don't remember you being so beau [burp] tiful!
- (She sprays him in the eyes with Mace)
- Barney: Oh, ow, hey! [burp] [cough] Is that a new kind of Mace? It's really painful!
- Bait Shop Clerk: Yep, "General Sherman". They say he's five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
- Customer: And, uh, no one's ever caught him?
- Bait Shop Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell...
- Homer: Mmmm, Horse Doovers...
- Marge: Oh, my. Where are we supposed to get a sitter on such short notice?
- Homer: Oh, dear! If we can't find a babysitter, we can't go! What a kick in the teeth.
- Bart: What do you need a babysitter for? I'm almost ten-and-a-half.
- Lisa: Mom, you wouldn't dare!
- Bart: Don't take that tone with me, young lady, or I'll give you a taste of the back of me hand.
- Homer: No, you don't!
- Homer: Go ahead, General Sherman! Foist your strength, you big ugly catfish! I got a skillet and a stick of butter with your name on it!
- Homer: OK, fish. You're probably wondering why I'm still here. Catching you will make me the most famous fisherman there is. Right there with... that... the, uh... that bald guy on the cable fishing show.