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| The Way We Weren't |
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- Marge: (walking funny) I used to walk like this until my tendons snapped. They heard it in Ogdenville.
- Homer: I'm Elvis! Elvis Jagger. Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.
- Lisa: Dad, how could you?
- Milhouse: Because he's the kind who kisses and leaves you!
- Lisa: I can't believe you stood Mom up.
- Bart: Face it Lis... Men are dogs, the worse we treat you, the more you want us.
- Lisa: That's not what dogs do.
- Bart: Lisa said, "Dog doo!"
- Homer: Heh heh heh, she sure did. Now, if Lisa is finished with her shenanigans, I'll tell you why I didn't show up.
- Bart: Let me get this straight. When you were my age, you had the hots for Mom and didn't even know it? That's cool! Or is it lame? I guess I'll go with lame. You're lame!
- Homer: Why, because I've only kissed one girl in my whole life? That's still one more than you.
- Bart: I've kissed 3 girls.
- Homer: (crying) I'm so lame!
- Milhouse: (after kissing Homer) My first kiss.
- Milhouse: (while playing "Spin the Bottle") Round and round the bottle twirls, I hope it stops on one of the girls. (the bottle lands on Sherri and Terri's cousin) I hope you like the taste of ringworm medicine.
- Marge: You won't be kissing anyone for a while.
- Homer: Well, that stinks, but I'll still get to kiss you, right?
