Lard of the Dance
The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
Bart the Mother
Homer: They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some...unpleasantness. I can never go back.

Marge: I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.

(Homer, when he realizes that Thomas Edison was the one who invented the chair with hinged legs)
Homer: Oh, damn it!
(Bart, visiting Homer in the basement)
Bart: Hey Dad, heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!

Marge: Alright already! Everyone knows the man accomplished a lot. Maybe because he didn't spend every waking moment talking about Thomas Edison.
Homer: Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge. He was a shameless self-promoter.

Homer: You don't understand how the creative mind works like I do.
Marge: Oh?
Homer: You look at this table and what do you see? Just a table. Now a creative person like me looks at this table and sees all kinds of creative things, but no tables.
Marge: Homer, that's not a table. That's our dryer.

Marge: Homer, you can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea.
Homer: I don't see why not. They're my kids. I own 'em.
Marge: (groans)
Homer: Okay, we own 'em.

(Kent Brockman, delivering his nightly broadcast)
Kent: Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

Homer: Marge, that's it! That's why I haven't done anything with my life! I need to be more like Thomas Edison!
Marge: Whatever.
Homer: And I'm starting right now! No more damn pajamas!
(Homer gets out of bed, takes off his pajamas, and throws them out the window. Homer stands naked, calling out)
Homer: From this day forward, I am an inventor!
(A man walking his dog calls up to Homer)
Man: Do us a favor. Invent yourself some underpants.

(Homer sits at a card table in the basement, smoking a cigar, trying to think of inventions)
Lisa: You started smoking, Dad?
Homer: Yes, Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
(Bart holds up Homer's empty notepad)
Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff, too.
Homer: Shut up.

Marge: Homer, all these inventions, they're...
Homer: Yes?
Marge: Oh... They're not very...
Homer: Yes? Yes? Yes?
Marge" They're terrible.

Marge: I'm not saying you're a bad inventor. I'm just saying these particular inventions are awful and no one in their right mind would buy them, or accept them as gifts.

Homer: How many times have you gals been late for a high-powered business meeting, only to realize you're not wearing makeup?
Marge: That's every woman's nightmare!

Homer: That's boring. You're boring everybody! Quit boring everyone!

(Homer's make-up gun has covered Marge's face with messy, clown-like make-up)
Marge: Homer, you've got it set on whore!

(Homer reveals his toilet recliner chair)
Bart: Gangway, gotta poop!
Marge: No, Bart!

Homer: We'll stop off at the da Vinci museum on the way home.
Bart: Uh, I think that's in Italy, Dad.
Homer: Oh. Well then, we'll take it out on Eli Whitney.

Season 9 Season 10 Quotes Season 11
Lard of the DanceThe Wizard of Evergreen TerraceBart the MotherTreehouse of Horror IXWhen You Dish Upon a StarD'oh-in' in the WindLisa Gets an "A"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"Mayored to the MobViva Ned FlandersWild Barts Can't Be BrokenSunday, Cruddy SundayHomer to the MaxI'm with CupidMarge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"Make Room for LisaMaximum HomerdriveSimpsons Bible StoriesMom and Pop ArtThe Old Man and the "C" StudentMonty Can't Buy Me LoveThey Saved Lisa's BrainThirty Minutes Over Tokyo
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