Changes: The Ziff Who Came to Dinner/Quotes

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◄	Smart and Smarter

The Ziff Who Came to Dinner

Co-Dependent's Day

►

Artie: Doesn't your father ever read to you?

Lisa: He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.

Groundskeeper Willie: I lost all my "screw you" money!

Principal Skinner: I'm very sorry to hear that, Willie.

Groundskeeper Willie: Screw you!

Lisa: Mom, Dad, I love you. Maggie, you can have my books. And Bart, I'll see you in hell, you booger-eating wuss! That's right, we all know!

Marge: (to Artie) You only care about yourself.

Artie: Don't be ridiculous. I care about more than just moi.

(In Artie's daydream)

Artie look-alike can-can dancers: Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!

Artie look-alike audience members: Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff!

(The dancers clap and laugh and the daydream ends)

Artie: Oh, dear God. She's right.

Guard: (to Homer) Sorry you were wrongfully imprisoned, Simpson.

Homer: Can I apply my time toward a future crime?

Guard: You can either steal a car or kick me in the crotch. (Homer kicks him in the crotch) Uhhh, no one ever picks the car.

Homer: Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail! Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group! I'm the fat one!

(The Not So Final Fate of Artie Ziff)

Marge: Artie Ziff?

Homer: I thought we killed him!

Marge: No, we didn't.

Homer: But I did delete him from my bulk e-mail list!

Marge: No, you didn't.

Artie: That's right. Twice a week, I get your e-mail of the monkey peeing in his own mouth.

Homer: Oh yeah. Heh heh. That monkey got America through some tough times.

(Homer gets out of jail)

Lisa: Oh, dad (Hugs him) I missed you so much!

Homer: (Surprised) Oh my God! Maggie you're talking!

Ziff: Homer, I believe that's Lisa.

Homer: (To Ziff) Oh Bart, what a man you become!

◄ Season 14	Season 15 Quotes	Season 16 ►
Treehouse of Horror XIV • My Mother the Carjacker • The President Wore Pearls • The Regina Monologues • The Fat and the Furriest • Today, I Am a Clown • 'Tis the Fifteenth Season • Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays • I, D'oh-Bot • Diatribe of a Mad Housewife • Margical History Tour • Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore • Smart and Smarter • The Ziff Who Came to Dinner • Co-Dependent's Day • The Wandering Juvie • My Big Fat Geek Wedding • Catch 'Em if You Can • Simple Simpson • The Way We Weren't • Bart-Mangled Banner • Fraudcast News

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{TabQ
+{{Tab|Quo
-|episode = The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
+|episode = The Ziff Who Came to Dinner}}
-}}
+{{PrevNext|Quo |Smart and Smarter|Co-Dependent's Day}}
-*[[Artie Ziff|Artie]]: Doesn't your father ever read to you?
+:'''[[Artie Ziff|Artie]]''': Doesn't your father ever read to you?
-:[[Lisa]]: He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.
+:'''[[Lisa]]''': He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.
+----
+:'''[[Groundskeeper Willie]]''': I lost all my "screw you" money!
+:'''[[Principal Skinner]]''': I'm very sorry to hear that, Willie.
+:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': Screw you!
+----
+:'''Lisa''': Mom, Dad, I love you. Maggie, you can have my books. And Bart, I'll see you in hell, you booger-eating wuss! That's right, we all know!
+----
+:'''[[Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': (to Artie) You only care about yourself.
+:'''Artie''': Don't be ridiculous. I care about more than just ''moi.''
+:(In Artie's daydream)
+:'''Artie look-alike can-can dancers''': ''Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!''
+:'''Artie look-alike audience members''': ''Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff!''
+:(The dancers clap and laugh and the daydream ends)
+:'''Artie''': Oh, dear God. She's right.
+----
+:'''Guard''': (to Homer) Sorry you were wrongfully imprisoned, Simpson.
+:'''[[Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Can I apply my time toward a future crime?
+:'''Guard''': You can either steal a car or kick me in the crotch. (Homer kicks him in the crotch) Uhhh, no one ever picks the car.
+----
+:'''Homer''': Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail! Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group! I'm the fat one!
+----
+:(The Not So Final Fate of Artie Ziff)
+:'''Marge''': Artie Ziff?
+:'''Homer''': I thought we killed him!
+:'''Marge''': No, we didn't.
+:'''Homer''': But I ''did'' delete him from my bulk e-mail list!
+:'''Marge''': No, you didn't.
+:'''Artie''': That's right. Twice a week, I get your e-mail of the monkey peeing in his own mouth.
+:'''Homer''': Oh yeah. Heh heh. That monkey got America through some tough times.
+----
+:''(Homer gets out of jail)''
+:'''Lisa''': Oh, dad ''(Hugs him)'' I missed you so much!
+:'''Homer''': ''(Surprised)'' Oh my God! Maggie you're talking!
+:'''Ziff''': Homer, I believe that's Lisa.
+:'''Homer''': ''(To Ziff)'' Oh Bart, what a man you become!
-{{Season 15 Q}}
+{{Season|15|Quo}}
+[[Category:Quotes]]