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Treehouse of Horror |
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Treehouse of Horror |
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- [Homer calls the real estate agent in a rage after finding an Indian burial ground in the basement]
- Homer: Mr. Pote, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn't tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground!
- [pause]
- Homer: NO, YOU DIDN'T!
- [pause]
- Homer: Well, that's not my recollection.
- [pause]
- Homer: Yeah, well... all right. Good-bye.
- [hangs up the phone and turns to Marge]
- Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.
- The House: You will diiiiieeeee. You will die slowwwwwwwly. Your stomach will swelllllllll, your intestines will wriiiithe and booooil. Your eeeeeyes will buuuuurst. And some horrible stuuuuuuuff, possibly your braiiiiin, will start coming out through your noooooooose.
- Marge Simpson: [Infuriated] SHUSH! SHUT UP! QUIT TRYING TO PUSH US AROUND, STOP SAYING THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS AND SHOW SOME MANNERS! [normal tone] Look at me, I've never been so angry my hands are shaking.
- Homer: Better than your eyes bursting, ew.
- [in Bart's room]
- The House: They are all against you Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die!
- Bart: Are you my conscience?
- The House: I... yes, I am.
- Lisa Simpson: [about the basement of the house] Mom, dad, look! It's an ancient Indian burial ground.
- Bart: Man, this place's got everything!
- The House: Hmm. Life with the Simpsons. What choice do I have?
- [the house implodes in on itself]
- Bart: Bitchin!
- Lisa Simpson: It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected.
- Kang: On this cable system we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
- Bart: Do you get HBO?
- Kang: No, that would cost extra.
- Marge Simpson: You speak English.
- Kang: I am actually speaking Rigellian; by an astonishing coincidence, both of our languages are exactly the same.
- Lisa Simpson: Why are you trying to scare us, Are you trying to keep us from getting close to you maybe even loving you.
- The House: Leave me alone!
- Marge Simpson: Don't talk to her like that!
- The House: Hey listen lady!
- Marge Simpson: [Extremely offended and mad] OH, don't call me lady my name is Marge Simpson this is my family we're not going anywhere, we're all going to have to live together so you better get used to it.
- Marge Simpson: I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
- Homer: Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars, we're talking about a few thousand dollars.
- Marge Simpson: This family has had it's differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before.
- Lisa Simpson: STOP! Don't you see what's happening here? Theyr'e fattening us up so they can eat us!
- Homer: Come on, Lisa.
- [along with other mumbles by the family]
- Lisa: If you don't believe me, then just look at this book that I found!
- [holding up the books that reads: How to Cook Humans; they all gasp]
- Homer: Whoa, she's right!
- Kang: Humans, you have stopped eating...
- Homer: Listen you big stupid space creature: Nobody, but nobody eats the Simpsons!
- Kang: I beg your pardon?
- Homer: Don't play dumb with me, we found your book.
- Kang: What? You mean this? It's a harmless cook book; it's just a little dusty.
- [he opens a panel on his clear head casing and blows on it; now the book reads: How to Cook For Humans]
- Bart: Ahhh... [Bart exhales in relief]
- Lisa: Wait a minutes... [she blows on it; now the book reads: How to Cook Forty Humans] Ah-ha!
- Kang: Wait - there's still more space dust on here...
- [he blows on the book cover again; now it reads: How to Cook for Forty Humans]
- Kang: Let me get this straight, you thought...
- Kodos: They thought we were going to eat them!
- Kang: Good God, is this some kind of joke?
- Kodos: No, they're serious.
- Lisa: Well why were you trying to make us eat all the time?
- Kodos: Make you eat?! We merely provided a sumptuous banquet and, frankly, you people made pigs of yourselves.
- Kang: We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions a hundred times greater than what you call "Love". And a thousand times greater than what you call "Fun". You would have been treated like Gods, and lived forever in beauty, but now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never be.
- Marge Simpson: Um, for a superior race they really rub it in.
- Bart: Wait a minute, that's a school book.
- Lisa Simpson: Don't worry, Bart, you won't learn anything.
- Moving Man: A buck? I'm glad there's a curse on this place.