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ā—„ Simpson and Delilah
Treehouse of Horror
Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish ā–ŗ
Marge:   I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!
Homer:   Don't be so stubborn! We're not saving a few dollars, we're saving a few thousand dollars!
 
Evil Spirit:   Get out.
Marge:   What on earth was that?
Homer:   Probably just the house settling.
 
(Lisa finishes reading The Raven.)
Bart:   Lisa, that wasn't scary, not even for a poem.
Lisa:   Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.
Bart:   Oh, yeah. Like when you look at Friday the 13th, part one. It's pretty tame by today's standards.
 
(Kang shows off his TV to the Simpsons.)
Kang:   On this cable system, we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
Bart:   You get HBO?
Kang:   No. That would cost extra.
 
(In the evil house, Marge catches the rest of the family trying to kill each other with knives.)
Marge:   That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
Homer:   Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
Marge:   I don't care what I said. This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.
 
(Lisa confronts Kang and Kodos.)
Lisa:   Well, why were you trying to make us eat all the time?
Kang:   Make you eat? We merely provided a sumptuous banquet. Frankly, you people made pigs of yourselves.
Serak the Preparer:   (Crying) I slaved in the kitchen for days for you people. And...
Kang:   Well, if you wanted to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.
 
(With his mouth full of food, Homer stands up for his family.)
Homer:   Listen, you big, stupid space creature, nobody, but nobody, eats the Simpsons!
 
(Serak the Preparer provides the Simpson family with a bounty of food.)
Marge:   Well, thank you very much, Mr.ā€”
Serak the Preparer:   To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
 
(Homer barbeques on the back patio.)
Marge:   (Groans) Homer, all these flies.
Homer:   Not to worry. I'll just turn on the trusty bug zapper.
(The sound of a few bugs being zapped is then followed by a large zapping noise.)
Homer:   Ooh, that was a big mama! (Chuckles)
 
(In "Bad Dream House", the House talks to Bart in its ghoulish voice.)
Evil Spirit:   They are all against you, Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die.
Bart:   Are you my conscience?
Evil Spirit:   I... Yes, I am.
 
(Homer convinces the family to stay in the "Bad Dream House".)
Homer:   Now, wait a minute, Marge. Itā€™s only natural thereā€™d be some things wrong with an old house like this. It's a fixer-upper. Whatā€™s the problem? We get a bunch of priests in here...
Marge:   I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
Homer:   Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars.
(Homer slowly begins floating to the ceiling.)
Homer:   We're talking about a few thousand dollars!
(Homer realizes that he is floating upwards and begins screaming.)
Homer:   It's got great high ceilings!
(Homer screams as he suddenly plunges back to the floor.)
Homer:   Tell you what. Let's, uh, sleep on it, okay?
 
(Homer throws an orange into a vortex and it disappears.)
Homer:   Hey, pretty slick!
(A crumpled wad of paper flies back out of the vortex and Lisa reads it.)
Lisa:   Quit throwing your garbage into our dimension.
 
(In "Bad Dream House", the man from the moving company finishes unloading the Simpsons' things.)
Kang:   Your primitive paddles have been replaced by an electronicā€”
Bart:   Hey, that's just Pong. Get with the times, man.
Homer:   Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
Kang:   Well, we did build this spaceship, you know.
Kodos:   Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand.
(Kang and Kodos each raise a tentacle. Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
Kodos:   All right, then.
Marge:   Sorry. Your game is very nice.
 
(At the end of "Bad Dream House", the aforementioned house destroys itself.)
Lisa:   It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected.
 
The Raven:   Nevermore.
 
ā—„ Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3 ā–ŗ
Bart Gets an "F" ā€¢ Simpson and Delilah ā€¢ Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") ā€¢ Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish ā€¢ Dancin' Homer ā€¢ Dead Putting Society ā€¢ Bart vs. Thanksgiving ā€¢ Bart the Daredevil ā€¢ Itchy & Scratchy & Marge ā€¢ Bart Gets Hit by a Car ā€¢ One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish ā€¢ The Way We Was ā€¢ Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment ā€¢ Principal Charming ā€¢ Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? ā€¢ Bart's Dog Gets an F ā€¢ Old Money ā€¢ Brush with Greatness ā€¢ Lisa's Substitute ā€¢ The War of the Simpsons ā€¢ Three Men and a Comic Book ā€¢ Blood Feud
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