Lisa the Beauty Queen
Treehouse of Horror III
Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
Treehouse of Horror II
Treehouse of Horror III
Treehouse of Horror IV

Clown Without Pity

Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse...
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate. [Homer stares, confused] That's bad.
Homer: [worried] Can I go now?

Grampa: That doll is evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Grampa: [whines] I just want attention.

Homer: [singing] My baloney has a first name: it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a second name: it's H-O-M-E-R...

Krusty doll: (covering Homer's eyes) Guess who, fat boy!
Homer: Marge, Marge, look!
Marge: Oh my god!
Homer: The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughin' at me!

King Homer

Mr. Burns: All right, you big ape, get a snootful of this gas bomb! [he feebly throws the bomb a foot and gets a snootful himself; he starts singing] I was strolling through the gas one day...

Bart: Grandpa why don't you tell a story, you lead an interesting life.
Grandpa: That's a lie and you know it!

Carl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.

Marge: My name is Marge Bouvier. I'm here about your ad. "Single white female wanted for mysterious expedition. Must like monkeys. Non-smoker preferred."
Mr. Burns: Well, you'd be a welcome change of pace from the rest of these crude and uncouth sailors.
Sailors: Arr Arrr Arr
Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix.
Mr. Burns: We know what you think.

Reporter: What kind of show you got for us, Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Well, the ape's going to stand around for 3 hours or so. Then we'll close with the ethnic comedy of Duggan and Dirschwitz.
Reporter: Sensational!

Lenny: Hey Homer, cut it out! Come on! Quit eatin' me!

Mr. Burns: Ladies and gentlemen! In his native land he was a King! But he comes before you in chains for your own amusement! Presenting Homer! The Eighth Wonder of the World!

Barney: Hey monkey, want a peanut? [King Homer picks up and he eats all the peanuts] I said ONE!

Dial "Z" for Zombies

[the Simpsons head to the library to stop the spawn of zombies; they head out to the family sedan to get there]
Ned Flanders: [incarnated into a zombie] Hey, Simpson. I'm feeling a mite peckish. Mind if I chew your ear!?
[Homer shoots him dead with his shotgun; Marge and Lisa gasp]
Bart: Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: [confused] He was a zombie?

Homer: Spare my family. Take me! Take me!
[the zombies prepare to eat Homer's brain, but first they check if his brain's worth eating by tapping on his head; they promptly look for another target]
Zombies: Brains! Brains!

Bart: From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, "Baby's First Pop-up Book" is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?
Bart: Well, most of it.

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa and Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Lisa: Bart, you cast the wrong spell! Zombies!
Bart: Please, Lis, they prefer to be called the 'living impaired'.

Groundskeeper Willie: [using shovel to smooth fresh dirt] There! Pretty as a picture. [zombies burst from dirt patch] [startled] Ah! Zombies! [zombies walk by, ignoring him; he turns and uses shovel to smooth dirt patch again] There! Pretty as a picture.


Bart: I thought dabbling in the Black Arts would be good for a chuckle, how wrong I was. I should have never read that book.
Lisa: Wait Bart, maybe the library has another book that will reverse the spell?!
Marge: It's our only hope!
Homer: [cocking a shotgun] To the book depository!

Homer: [while attacking the zombies] Take that, Washington! Eat lead, Einstein! Show's over, Shakespeare!
Shakespeare: Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?

Homer: [turns on radio; music plays]
Radio DJ: KZMB, all zombie radio. [zombies moan]

[Kang and Kodos observe Earth from their saucer]
Kodos: Those zombies have the Earthlings on the run.
Kang: Soon the human race will wither and fall, like the Earth plums we have seen on the Observe-o-Scope.
[they laugh maniacally]

Marge: Well, I'm sure glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies.
Bart: Shh. TV. [on TV, there's a thud and audience laughter is heard]
Homer: Man fall down. Funny.
Family: [moans like zombies in unison]

Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled
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