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| + | {{Tab|Quo}} |
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| + | {{PrevNext|Quo|Rosebud|Marge on the Lam}} |
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| + | {{PrevNext|Quo|Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror V}} |
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| − | }} |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': Grampa's a vampire? |
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| − | :'''Bart''': We're all vampires. |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': But no. We killed Mr. Burns. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': You have to kill the head vampire. |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': You're the head vampire? |
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| − | :'''Marge''': No, I'm the head vampire. (Lets out an evil laugh) |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': Mom? |
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| − | :'''Marge''': Well I do have a life outside this house, you know. |
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| − | :'''Lionel Hutz''': First, some ground rules: Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour. |
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| − | :'''Lionel Hutz''': Agreed. No, wait-- |
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| − | :'''Devil Flanders''': Hey, listen; I did a favor for you! |
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| − | :'''Simpsons''': Ahh! |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream? |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: "Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy...where our beds and TV...is. |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': Ew! Dad, this is blood! |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Correction--free blood. |
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| − | :'''Kent Brockman''': Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled. |
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| − | :'''Chief Wiggum''': We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed. |
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| − | :'''Bart''': We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': (Looking at the painting) Aah! They're dogs...and they're playing poker! Aah! |
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| − | :'''Bart''': We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy! |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | :'''Principal Skinner''': Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it. |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | :'''Lionel Hutz''': That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable." Which is unbreakable! |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Mmm...forbidden donut. |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | :'''Homer''': (reading note) "Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer." Bastard! He's always one step ahead! |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | :'''Mr. Burns''': Who's that goat-legged fellow, Smithers? I like the cut of his jib. |
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| − | :'''Smithers''': Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock. |
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| − | ---- |
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| − | (Homer puts stake in Mr.Burns) |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Take that! |
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| − | (Homer hits stake with hammer multiple times) |
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| − | :'''Lisa''': Uh Dad, that's his crotch. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Oh, Sorry. |
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| − | (Homer puts stake where the heart and hits it) |
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| − | :'''Mr. Burns''': AAAAAAGH! |
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| − | (Mr. Burns disentergrates) |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Whoo-hoo! |
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| − | (Mr. Burns Comes Back Alive) |
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| − | :'''Mr. Burns''': You're Fired! |
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| − | (Mr. Burns Dies Again) |
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| − | :'''Homer''': D'oh! |
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| − | ---- |
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:'''Devil Flanders''': Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for-- |
:'''Devil Flanders''': Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for-- |
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| − | (Homer has already scarfed the donut) |
+ | :''(Homer has already scarfed all but a small crumb of the donut)'' |
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you? |
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you? |
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| − | :'''Devil Flanders''': |
+ | :'''Devil Flanders''': Uh, technically no, but-- |
| − | :'''Homer''': I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev-- |
+ | :'''Homer''': ''(singing)'' I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev-- |
| − | (Flanders turns into a huge demon) |
+ | :''(Flanders turns into a huge demon)'' |
| − | :'''Devil Flanders''': |
+ | :'''Devil Flanders''': '''''YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME!''''' ''(Homer gulps)'' I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson! |
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| + | :'''Blue Demon''': ''(perplexed that his attempt to crack Homer failed)'' I don't understand it, James Coco went mad in fifteen minutes |
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---- |
---- |
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| − | (Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.) |
+ | :''(Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.)'' |
| − | :'''Marge''': Homer, |
+ | :'''Marge''': Homer, stop picking at it! |
| − | :'''Homer''': |
+ | :'''Homer''': Oh, but I'm so sweet and tasty! Well, time to go to work. |
| − | :'''Lisa''': |
+ | :'''Lisa''': Dad, I wouldn't go outside if I were you. |
| − | :'''Chief Wiggum''': (Outside house, sipping coffee) Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime. |
+ | :'''Chief Wiggum''': ''(Outside house, sipping coffee)'' Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime. |
---- |
---- |
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:'''Homer''': Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut. |
:'''Homer''': Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut. |
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| − | (Flanders appears as the devil.) |
+ | :''(Flanders appears as the devil.)'' |
| − | :'''Devil Flanders''': |
+ | :'''Devil Flanders''': Well (chuckles) that can be arranged. |
| − | :'''Homer''': Flanders?! You're the devil?! |
+ | :'''Homer''': Flanders?! ''You're'' the devil?! |
| − | :'''Devil Flanders''': It's always the one you least expect |
+ | :'''Devil Flanders''': (Chuckles) It's always the one you least expect. |
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:'''Bart & Lisa''': Yes. |
:'''Bart & Lisa''': Yes. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': (Holding out a pitch black towel) Sure did! |
+ | :'''Homer''': ''(Holding out a pitch black towel)'' Sure did! |
---- |
---- |
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:'''Bart''': Otto! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus! |
:'''Bart''': Otto! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus! |
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| − | (Otto looks out his side window and sees Hans Moleman driving.) |
+ | :''(Otto looks out his side window and sees Hans Moleman driving.)'' |
:'''Otto''': Don't worry, Bart dude. I'll get rid of him. |
:'''Otto''': Don't worry, Bart dude. I'll get rid of him. |
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| − | (Otto slams into the car.) |
+ | :(Otto slams into the car.) |
| − | :'''Hans Moleman''': Oh, I just made my |
+ | :'''Hans Moleman''': Oh, I just made my final payment. |
| − | (Moleman's car almost crashes into a tree, but then explodes.) |
+ | :''(Moleman's car almost crashes into a tree, but then explodes.)'' |
---- |
---- |
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:'''Bart''': I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death. |
:'''Bart''': I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death. |
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:'''Grampa''': Quick! We have to kill the boy! |
:'''Grampa''': Quick! We have to kill the boy! |
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:'''Marge''': How did you know he's a vampire? |
:'''Marge''': How did you know he's a vampire? |
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| − | :'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? |
+ | :'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? ''(runs off screaming)'' |
---- |
---- |
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| − | (Homer squeezes bull horn in Bart's ear) |
+ | :''(Homer squeezes bull horn in Bart's ear)'' |
| − | :'''Bart''': |
+ | :'''Bart''': ''(screams)'' |
:'''Homer''': Hey Marge, I found all this stuff at the dock. It was just sitting in some guy's boat. |
:'''Homer''': Hey Marge, I found all this stuff at the dock. It was just sitting in some guy's boat. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Bart! How many times have I told you not to bite your |
+ | :'''Homer''': Bart! How many times have I told you before not to bite your sister? Hey, wait a minute! You are a vampire! |
---- |
---- |
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---- |
---- |
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| ⚫ | |||
| ⚫ | |||
| − | ---- |
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:'''Marge''': Homer, did you eat that donut?! |
:'''Marge''': Homer, did you eat that donut?! |
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:'''Homer''': No. |
:'''Homer''': No. |
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---- |
---- |
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| − | :'''Blackbeard''': (looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture) Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map! |
+ | :'''Blackbeard''': ''(looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture)'' Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map! |
:'''Benedict Arnold''': Give me that, you idiot! You can't read! |
:'''Benedict Arnold''': Give me that, you idiot! You can't read! |
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---- |
---- |
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| − | :'''Vampire Burns''': (On the intercom) |
+ | :'''Vampire Burns''': ''(On the intercom)'' Welcome, come in. ''(whispered)'' Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead! |
| − | :'''Smithers''': |
+ | :'''Smithers''': Sir, you have to let go of the button. |
| − | :'''Vampire Burns''': |
+ | :'''Vampire Burns''': Oh son of a bi--''(The doors to the manor open)'' |
---- |
---- |
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| + | :'''Lisa''': Dad, do you notice anything strange? |
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| − | :'''Marge''': I think there is something a little off about him. |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Yeah, his hairdo |
+ | :'''Homer''': Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer. |
:'''Vampire Burns''': I heard that! |
:'''Vampire Burns''': I heard that! |
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:'''Homer''': It was the boy! |
:'''Homer''': It was the boy! |
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:'''Vampire Grampa''': This cape is giving me a rash. |
:'''Vampire Grampa''': This cape is giving me a rash. |
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| − | :'''Groundskeeper Willie''': My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him. |
+ | :'''Groundskeeper Willie''': My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. ''(starts to get teary)'' So I had to put seventeen bullets in him. |
---- |
---- |
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| − | :'''Lionel Hutz''': I |
+ | :'''Lionel Hutz''': I watched Matlock in a bar the other night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it. |
---- |
---- |
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:'''Blackbeard''': This chair be high, says I. |
:'''Blackbeard''': This chair be high, says I. |
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---- |
---- |
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| − | :'''Homer''': Lisa, vampires are make-believe |
+ | :'''Homer''': Lisa, vampires are make-believe like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. |
---- |
---- |
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:'''Principal Skinner''': Pull, Willie, pull! |
:'''Principal Skinner''': Pull, Willie, pull! |
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| − | :'''Groundskeeper Willie''': I'm doin' all the |
+ | :'''Groundskeeper Willie''': I'm doin' all of the pullin', you blouse-wearin' poodle-walker! |
---- |
---- |
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| − | :'''Homer''': |
+ | :'''Homer''': Ooh! Super Fun Happy Slide! |
| − | :'''Lisa''': No Dad! |
+ | :'''Lisa''': No, Dad! |
:'''Homer''': Ohh…I guess killing will be fun enough. |
:'''Homer''': Ohh…I guess killing will be fun enough. |
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| + | :'''Vampire Bart''': ''(Floating outside Lisa's window with a few other kids he's bitten)'' Come join us Lisa, it's so cool. You get to stay up all night drinking blood! |
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| + | :'''Vampire Milhouse''': And if you say you're a vampire, you get a free small soda at the movies. |
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| + | :''(Bart laughs as he transforms into a bat and flies out the window as the family watches him go)'' |
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| + | :''(Bart is captured by the vampires. A female vampire presents him to Burns who flies in as a bat then morphs to his human form)'' |
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| + | :'''Vampire Burns''': Well if isn't little...um...boy. Eh, yeah. |
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| + | :'''Lisa''': ''(Rushing back to the dining room)'' Mom! Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire! And he has Bart! |
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| + | :'''Vampire Burns''': ''(Appears with blood visible on his fangs)'' Why Bart is right here. |
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| + | :'''Bart''': ''(Pale-skinned, bite marks on his neck, droning)'' Hello mother, hello father. I missed you during my uneventful absence. |
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| − | {{Season |
+ | {{Season|5|Quo}} |
| + | [[es:Treehouse of Horror IV/Frases]] |
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| + | [[Category:Treehouse of Horror quotes]] |
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Revision as of 02:20, 25 March 2020
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Treehouse of Horror IV |
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Treehouse of Horror IV |
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- Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
- (Homer has already scarfed all but a small crumb of the donut)
- Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
- Devil Flanders: Uh, technically no, but--
- Homer: (singing) I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev--
- (Flanders turns into a huge demon)
- Devil Flanders: YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! (Homer gulps) I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson!
- Blue Demon: (perplexed that his attempt to crack Homer failed) I don't understand it, James Coco went mad in fifteen minutes
- (Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.)
- Marge: Homer, stop picking at it!
- Homer: Oh, but I'm so sweet and tasty! Well, time to go to work.
- Lisa: Dad, I wouldn't go outside if I were you.
- Chief Wiggum: (Outside house, sipping coffee) Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime.
- Homer: Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
- (Flanders appears as the devil.)
- Devil Flanders: Well (chuckles) that can be arranged.
- Homer: Flanders?! You're the devil?!
- Devil Flanders: (Chuckles) It's always the one you least expect.
- Devil Flanders: I give you the Jury of the Damned. Benedict Arnold. Lizzy Borden. Richard Nixon.
- Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
- Devil Flanders: Listen, I did a favor for you!
- Nixon: (subdued) Yes master.
- Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth. Blackbeard the Pirate. John Dillinger. And the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
- Marge: Lisa, stop being so suspicious. Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?
- Bart & Lisa: Yes.
- Homer: (Holding out a pitch black towel) Sure did!
- Bart: Otto! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
- (Otto looks out his side window and sees Hans Moleman driving.)
- Otto: Don't worry, Bart dude. I'll get rid of him.
- (Otto slams into the car.)
- Hans Moleman: Oh, I just made my final payment.
- (Moleman's car almost crashes into a tree, but then explodes.)
- Bart: I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.
- Lisa: And…?
- Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
- Marge: How did you know he's a vampire?
- Grampa: He's a vampire? (runs off screaming)
- (Homer squeezes bull horn in Bart's ear)
- Bart: (screams)
- Homer: Hey Marge, I found all this stuff at the dock. It was just sitting in some guy's boat.
- Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you before not to bite your sister? Hey, wait a minute! You are a vampire!
- Homer: It sure was nice of Mr. Burns to invite us for a midnight dinner at his country house in...Pennsylvania!
- (Homer is being sucked into Hell)
- Marge: Homer, did you eat that donut?!
- Homer: No.
- Blackbeard: (looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture) Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map!
- Benedict Arnold: Give me that, you idiot! You can't read!
- Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Welcome, come in. (whispered) Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead!
- Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
- Vampire Burns: Oh son of a bi--(The doors to the manor open)
- Lisa: Dad, do you notice anything strange?
- Homer: Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.
- Vampire Burns: I heard that!
- Homer: It was the boy!
- Vampire Grampa: This cape is giving me a rash.
- Groundskeeper Willie: My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. (starts to get teary) So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.
- Lionel Hutz: I watched Matlock in a bar the other night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.
- Blackbeard: This chair be high, says I.
- Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
- Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
- Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all of the pullin', you blouse-wearin' poodle-walker!
- Homer: Ooh! Super Fun Happy Slide!
- Lisa: No, Dad!
- Homer: Ohh…I guess killing will be fun enough.
- Vampire Bart: (Floating outside Lisa's window with a few other kids he's bitten) Come join us Lisa, it's so cool. You get to stay up all night drinking blood!
- Vampire Milhouse: And if you say you're a vampire, you get a free small soda at the movies.
- (Bart laughs as he transforms into a bat and flies out the window as the family watches him go)
- Marge: Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he's drinking people's blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!
- (Bart is captured by the vampires. A female vampire presents him to Burns who flies in as a bat then morphs to his human form)
- Vampire Burns: Well if isn't little...um...boy. Eh, yeah.
- Lisa: (Rushing back to the dining room) Mom! Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire! And he has Bart!
- Vampire Burns: (Appears with blood visible on his fangs) Why Bart is right here.
- Bart: (Pale-skinned, bite marks on his neck, droning) Hello mother, hello father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.