[eventually Bart and Lisa fall into the soup, splattering cilantro on Reg and Kathie]
Regis: This soup is out of control!
[Itchy and Scratchy also fall into the soup and more cilantro gets splattered]
Regis: My eyes! My beautiful eyes!
Kathie Lee: Oh, that's it! I'm going home! Dom DeLuise can interview himself.
[After Maggie climbs up the ceiling with her tentacles]
Marge: Homer, do something! The ceiling's not a safe place for a young baby.
Homer: Eh, all right, I got it. [gets a broom and tries to poke Maggie off the ceiling] Come on, get off the... [Maggie grabs the handle with her free tentacles and swings Homer back and forth across the room] Bad baby! Oh, she's entering the terrible two's, all right.
Marge: Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
Homer: (gasps) You intergalactic hussy! How could you? (covers his face & cries, then looks up) Was he better than me?
Jerry Springer: And now for my final thought. Nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of a child. Let's hope they put their differences aside and do what's best for Maggie. [Maggie attacks Jerry] Ow! What the ----! Get the ---- baby off ----! You son of a ----!
Marge: I'm so ---- embarrassed.
Marge: I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict.
Lisa: And now he's dead.
Homer: C'mon, Maggie. Let's go home.
Maggie: (in Rarity's voice) Very well then. I'll drive! [laughs menacingly as the episode ends] I need blood.
[During the opening couch scene]
Freddy: I don't get it! They should be here by now!
Jason: Meh, what you gonna do?
Homer: (after seeing Kang and Kodos at the door) Oh, great. Mormons.
Kang: Actually, we're Quantum-Presbyterians.
Homer: (singing) Mama took those batteries, She took 'em away, Mama took those batteries, Size double-A.
Bart: (after changing Lisa and the tv screen into red) Whoa! Cool!