Comic Book Guy: But Aquaman, you can not marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds.
(sees the nuclear missile coming) Oh, I've wasted my life.
(Springfield blows up)
Homer: (opens the Withstandinator door, and appears to be eating steak) You call that prime rib? Blecch.
(Homer puts the empty can on the skeleton Herman's arm which breaks off)
Homer: (beeps the car horn) It's green, moron! Earth to stupid-guy, hello?
(Homer gets off the car and approaches Kirk Van Houten, who is a skeleton)
Homer: (groans) Maybe a little friendly punching will move your ass. (punches Kirk's skull into dust) Ha! Still got it!
(Homer looks around all the skeletons as a newspaper passing by in the wind)
Homer: Geez, what's with all the death? (he sees the newspaper article) My God! EVERYONE'S GONE!! Little Bart (imagines Bart with a bat), Little Lisa (imagines Lisa with a bat), Little Marge (imagines Marge with a bat), (sobs) and the rest! (cries, after Homer mourns about losing everything and can't go on, but shakes it off)
Homer: No, No, NO! I can't just wallow in sadness, it's time to laugh again.
(Homer laughs girlishly, then laughs properly)
Homer: I'm the last man alive, and I can do everything I've always wanted!!
Witch Marge: And this is for pushing me off the cliff!
(She casts a spell on Eddie and Lou turning them into a snowman and a fairy respectively)
Eddie: All right, nothing to see here.
Lou: Yeah, show's over. Alright, move along.
Homer: Hey! What happened to the tunes? (Homer suddenly encounters a group of mutants, shrieks) Hey, what the hell's going on? Where did you get those cloaks?
Lisa: All the layers of lead paint in this house made it the perfect bomb shelter!
Mutant Ned: We can all work together to build a Utopian society, free of violence, hate, and prejudice.
Marge: That sounds beautiful, Ned. And let me just say my family and I share your vision for a better... (signals Bart and Lisa to take out their shotguns)Now!
(Marge and the kids shoot the mutants, leaving them in a pile.)
Marge: (scoffs) Friends with mutants, right!
Homer: Now, that's the Marge I married! So, who wants to steal some Ferraris?!
Bart, Lisa, & Marge: Oooh me! I do! I do!
Bart: Well I'll be a son of a witch!
Witch Marge: That's right, I'm a witch! And I'm the one who withered your livestock, soured your shee'ps milk, and your made your shirts itchy!
Farmer Lenny: Hey! You destroyed my turnip crop!
Witch Marge: No, that was gophers.
Witchhunter Wiggum: That's impossible. I thought we burned all of the gophers!
Witch Marge: Not all of them!
(urns Wiggum into a giant gopher)
Professor Frink: Good morning, ma'am. Good afternoon, sir. It passed noon while I was speaking so that was technically accurate.
Witchhunter Wiggum: People, let us not turn into an angry mob. Goodie Simpson is entitled to due process. Okay, here's how the process works. You sit on the broom and we shove you off the cliff.
Witchhunter Wiggum: Well, hear me out. If you're innocent, you will fall to an honorable Christian death. lf, however, you are the bride of Satan, you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point, you will report back here for torture and beheading.
Seymour Skinner: Tough, but fair.
Maude: Oh, Neddy. Look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to commit wanton acts of carnality.
Ned: (Under his breath) Yeah, that'll be the day.
Marge: Let's come to our senses everyone! This witch hunt is turning into a circus.
Moe: (stands up) She's the witch!
(Everyone agree and starts to accuse her.)
Marge: This is crazy, I'm not a witch!
Edna Krabappel: HA! Then how come your laundry always much whiter than mine?
Moe: Oh I've heard enough, BURN HER!
Lisa: Doesn't the Bible say, "Judge not lest ye be judged"?
Witchhunter Wiggum: The Bible says a lot of things.
Ned: We shouldn't fear the witches, Maude. We're both 35. We've already gone way past our life expectancy.
Maude: But think of the children! I heard that witches come to your house and take your children away to eat them!
(Patty, Selma, and Marge are watching from their cauldron)
Witch Selma: Eat their children...
Witch Patty: Geez, we were just gonna swipe their shoes. But a good idea is a good idea!