Behind the Laughter
Treehouse of Horror XI
A Tale of Two Springfields
Chief Wiggum: [examining Lenny's dead body] Hmm, Bottlenose bruises. Blowhole burns. Flipper prints. This looks like the work of rowdy teens. Lou, cancel the prom.

Bart: (after a rat bites him) Oh, I just got over the plague.

Mayor Quimby: We're all frightened and horny, but we can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

Homer: That horoscope was bologna. Nothing happened except the pick-axe in my head, the rattlesnake bite, and the testicle thing.

St. Peter: Homer, settle down. I'll give you a chance to get into heaven. You have 24 hours to go back and do one good deed.
Homer: I'm sorry I missed the number of hours and deeds.

Lenny: Alcohol and night swimming... it's a winning combination!

Snorky: [in high child's voice] Snorky... talk... man...[clears his throat and reverts to deep male voice] I'm sorry, let me start over. Eons ago, dolphins lived on the land.
Moe: What did he say?
Carl: He said years ago, dolphins lived on the land.
Moe: What!?
Snorky: Then your ancestors drove us into the sea, where we suffered for millions of years.
Marge: But you seemed so happy in the ocean. All that playful leaping...
Snorky: We were trying to get out! It's cold, it's wet, every morning I wake up phlegmy.
Lisa: Plus all that sewage we keep dumping.
Snorky: That was you?
Homer: It was her alright. Take the one who wronged you!

Homer: [after he accidentally drops Agnes Skinner into traffic to her death] Uh, I'm pretty sure she was going to be the next Hitler! Hello? Good deed done.

Nelson: [while giving Bart a noogie] Your dad is dead. Mine's just in jail.

Homer: Hello, wife! Hello, children! Who's up for a merry jig? [does a jig] Do-de-doo-doo, Do-de-doo-doo[falls down] Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not merry. I lost my job as an oaf today.
Marge: What?! Why are the oafs always the first to go?

Marge: Husband, without your weekly penitence, how shall we feed our children?
Homer: Don't worry. No child will ever starve in my home.
[Later, Homer throws Bart and Lisa into the deep dark woods]
Homer: So long, kids! Enjoy your new home. Say hi to your other brother and sister.
Bart: Other brother and sister?
[Bart and Lisa see skeletons that resemble them and scream together]
Lisa: Face it, they're not great parents.

Bart: Hello! Lost lovable orphans!

Homer: [dusting off his hands] Boy, dumping your kids in the forest, sure gets your hands dusty.
Marge: What? You threw our precious babies into the woods?! We could have sold them! [scene to Maggie sitting in window with a sign reading, "Two Chickens or Best Offer"] Go back and get them.
Homer: Here's a better idea. I know how we can replace those children. [romantically advances on Marge]
[Scene shows to Homer standing in the woods looking for Bart and Lisa]
Homer: [calling out] Son! Daughter! I'm ever so sorry.

Suzanne the Witch: [to Lisa] Sweep faster! It’s almost time for your beating.

Suzanne the Witch: Stop your chattering and sweep! This house is filthy!
Bart: What'd you care? It's not like you have any friends.
Suzanne: I have a boyfriend!
Lisa & Bart: Pssht, yea, sure.
Suzanne the Witch: What? I do!
Lisa: Oh, yeah? What's his name?
Suzanne the Witch: George.. [looks at the cauldron] Cauldron.
Lisa: "George Cauldron"? Maybe he can fix me up with Ed Ladle!

[Suzanne the Witch is about to throw Lisa into the oven when Homer busts through the wall by eating it]
Homer: Hmm, sugar walls.
Lisa: Father! I knew you'd rescue us.
Homer: Rescue you, stuff myself with candy, it's all good. [takes a bite out of a candy cane support beam]
Suzanne the Witch: That was a load bearing candy cane, you clumsy oaf!

[After Homer throws Suzanne the Witch into the oven and George Cauldron shows up at the house]
George: Hello, I'm George Cauldron. Is Suzanne ready yet?
Homer: Almost, just give her another 20 minutes. [turns up the oven heat]
George: But the concert's at 8:00.

Homer: Hey, you got to hand it to those dolphins. They just wanted it more.
Lisa: I kind of wish I hadn't freed their leader and, you know, doomed mankind.
Marge: Oh, honey I wouldn't say same doomed. It's going to be an adjustment, no question.

Kang: Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show.
Kodos: Are you sure the space phone is working? [Kang tries it] Hang up, they could be trying to call right now!
Kang: I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket.
[The phone rings and Kodos answers]
Kodos: Kang and Kodos Productions. Uh-huh ... Yes ... Just a second. Do we want to do a commercial for something called, "Old Navy?"
Kang: [shrugs] Ehh, work is work.
Maggie: (on the Gracie Films Logo) On that note, Like Good Night, Everybody.

Season 11 Season 12 Quotes Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XIA Tale of Two SpringfieldsInsane Clown PoppyLisa the Tree HuggerHomer vs. DignityThe Computer Wore Menace ShoesThe Great Money CaperSkinner's Sense of SnowHOMЯPokey MomWorst Episode EverTennis the MenaceDay of the JackanapesNew Kids on the BlecchHungry, Hungry HomerBye Bye NerdieSimpson SafariTrilogy of ErrorI'm Goin' to PraiselandChildren of a Lesser ClodSimpsons Tall Tales
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