(The Simpsons are trick-or-treating -- Homer and Marge are Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Lisa and Maggie are conjoined twins, and Bart is a hobo. Bart frowns as he looks in his trick-or-treat bag)
Bart: Hey! Flanders gave us toothpaste!
Lisa(as she looks in her trick-or-treat bag too): Mini-toothpaste!
Hex and the City[]
Gypsy: [reading Marge's fortune] I sense you live with much misery.
[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]
Homer: The perfect crime. [suddenly serious] Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday.
Gypsy: I sense I should not take ... a check! [glares at Homer]
Homer: Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back.
Marge: The Gypsy said it would.
Homer: [stubbornly] She's not the boss of me.
Marge: Morning!
[Homer, Bart and Lisa notice Marge has grown a beard and moustache from her hair]
Marge: Mmm.. so it is noticeable.
Lisa: What happened?
Marge: I don't know - I woke up like this.
Bart: Oh, cool! You could be in a freak show!
Homer: Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little --! :[Homer grunting / chokes Bart and his neck grows to twice its length and when Homer stops strangling him, Bart's head tips over backwards over the back of his chair]
Marge: Homer, no! Gee, you strangle him all the time and that never happens.
Homer: Oh, it's fine! It's just a growth spurt! [coiling Bart's neck] Good as new! [Bart's neck constantly flips, and Homer has to keep fixing up its balance] There! Right as rain! [Bart's head falls onto the table]
Marge: Homer, it's that evil gypsy's curse! We're all being punished because YOU trashed her office.
Homer: Marge, that curse is just a lot of silly superstition. [to Lisa] Right, Lisa?
[Lisa stomps one of her new horse hooves two times]
Ultrahouse: Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips.
Marge: Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget. [chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]
[The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]
Ultrahouse: [quietly] Ooooh, yes. [The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]
Marge: Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!
Ultrahouse: Isn't it just. It gets better.
Marge: Oh, you don't have to do any- [The bubbles turn on in the tub.] Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce ... that's goooood ... mmmmmm ...
Ultrahouse: Oh, oh, dear me. [clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper] Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum.
[The next morning, the Ultrahouse 3000 opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening Marge.]
Ultrahouse: Good morning, Marge.
Marge: [yawns] Good morning, Pierce. [notices that Homer is gone] Where's Homer?
Ultrahouse: Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early.
Marge: That sounds like a lie.
[Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]
Marge: [quietly] Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!
Ultrahouse: [on the phone] This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.
(The family is trying out different voices for the Ultra-House and try the Dennis Miller voice)
Dennis Miller Ultra-House Voice: Hey, cha-cha, I got more features than a NASA relief map of Turkmenistan.
Lisa(scared): Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides?
Mrs. Krabappel: Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads.
[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]
Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] Slimy Prince Limey! [His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]
Drunken Prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then. [puckers up]
Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] You call that charming? [She moves on to Lisa.]
Lisa: [waving wand] Hocus-croakus! [Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast. [She giggles.]
Handsome Prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] Yes, rather.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?
Bart: I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy? [His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]
Mrs. Krabappel: Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature.
Montymort: Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers! [Slithers -- a half-human, half-snake version of Smithers -- enters.]
Slithers: Yes, Lord Montymort?
Montymort: Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo.
[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]
Ralph: [laughing] Dying tickles!
[At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]
Principal Skinner: [murmuring] That was terrible. [louder, to the audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!
[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]
Skinner: A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!
Audience: Eeeeeewwwwwww!!
[Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]
Bart: [Attempting to save Lisa from "Lord Montymort" by using her wand] Prank be undone. Destroy the evil one! [gets struck by lightning] Not me.
