Homer: Your mother is the switch witch! A sort of tooth fairy dealie.
Marge: I take your sugary sweets and I give you healthy items! Plain brown toothbrushes, (puts a toothbrush in Lisa's bag) unflavored dental floss, (puts a box of dental floss in Maggie's bag) and fun-sized mouthwashes! (puts a mouthwasher bottle in Bart's bag) TSA approved!
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.
The Diving Bell and the Butterball
Homer: Ok. I'm the floor. I can't move. So far, a normal Sunday morning...
Homer: Halloween: the one time of the year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage.
Homer: For further communication, I will require more beans.
Chief Wiggum: They say no two ass webs are the same.
Dial D for Diddily
Ned Flanders: Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.
Ned: (narrating, watching Mr. Burns dump nuclear waste at a lake) All these years, I thought murder was a sin. Then, I got new instructions from the good Lord himself in his favorite language: English.
God: If you're having trouble with the second part, drink a lot of water. Now I've got to go! A hip-hop star is thanking me at the VMAs.
Homer: (on a microphone, pretending to be God) Okay, stupid Flanders. First, I want you to kill that guy at the ice cream parlor who gave Homer Simpson a cone that had a little air in it.
Ned: (on the radio, sighs) Really?
Homer: Come on! God does crazy things! Check your Old Testament! (Bart enters the room)
Bart: Hey, dad.
Homer: Hey, Bart! Uh, I mean, Jesus. (covers up the microphone) Hey, son. You want Flanders to kill anybody? He's totally in my power!
Bart: Well, there's a tall boy in front of me in class so I can't see the board.
Homer: (on the microphone) And I sayeth unto you, slay every tall boy in town! (Homer and Bart hi-five each other)
Ned: (enters the room) Homer Simpson!
Homer: Aah!
Ned: You made a killer out of me! (shows him a bible with a speaker on the cover)
Ned: Hell! Damn! Backside! Nothing matters anymore! I'm goin' down and my hand-basket seats two!
Homer: Wake up, Flanders: there is no Hell. And there is no God! If there were, would he let me do this? (takes out a lighter and burns Ned's Holy Bible)
Real God: (strangles Homer) WHY YOU LITTLE!
In the Na'vi
Chalmers: (to the troops) People, you are on the most inhospitable planet in the galaxy! Extreme temperatures, vicious indigenous life forms! Are there any questions? (Cletus raises his hand) Yes?
