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|Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish||
- "Blinky" has hit the news; causing the Mr. Burns and the SNPP to be firmly in the public eye. Simpson family comment about it:
- Marge Simpson: I am happy good old Mary Bailey is cracking down on Burns' polluting!
- Homer Simpson: Bah! If I was governor, I would be focused on more important issues.
- Lisa Simpson: Such as?
- Homer: For one, I would make sure Washington's birthday and Lincoln's birthday were once again separate pay holidays! President's Day! Foof! I work my butt off and what break do I get?
- Marge: Homer, should you not get going or you will be late?
- Homer: Someone will cover for me.
- The chief inspector is taken to Mr. Burns' office.
- Inspector: Mr. Burns, in twenty years, I have never seen such a shoddy, deplorable...
- Mr. Burns: Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table. Uh, Smithers, why don't we leave the room, and hopefully, when we return, the pile of money will be gone. (leaves, then returns a few moments later) D'oh, look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here.
- Inspector: Burns, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to bribe me.
- Mr. Burns: Is there some confusion about this? (stuff money into his pockets) Take it! Take it! Take it, you poor schmo!
- Inspector: Mr. Burns! I'm gonna overlook this felony, however, I will not overlook the three hundred and forty two violations I observed at your plant today. Either bring this place up to code or we'll shut it down. Good day. (leaves)
- Mr. Burns: Working late, Simpson?
- Homer: Uh, yes, sir.
- Mr. Burns: You and I are a dying breed, Simpson. I'm going to share a secret with you. Hop in the car.
- Homer gets into Burns' luxury car
- Homer: Ooh, cushy!
- Mr. Burns: Homer, they're trying to shut us down. They say we're contaminating the planet.
- Homer: Well, nobody's perfect.
- Mr. Burns: Can't the government just get off our backs?
- Homer: You know, I was just telling the wife that if I was governor, I'd do things a lot differently---
- Mr. Burns: Oh, get off your soapbox, Simpson! Do you realize how much it costs to run for office? Much more than any honest man can afford!
- Homer: I bet you can afford it, though. (Mr. Burns growls at him; nervously) Uh, d-don't get me wrong, I mean that you are an honest man, just that you have so much you could run for governor if you felt like it. Of course, I'm just rambling because you keep staring at me like that, but-but it's true! I mean, if you were governor, you can decide what's safe and what isn't. (Mr. Burns starts his car) Uh, where are we going, sir?
- Mr. Burns: To create a new and better world.
- Homer: If it's on the way, can you drop me off at my house?
- Mr. Burns: Hello. Many questions have been asked about our friend the three-eyed fish. So to clarify the matter I have asked (an actor playing) Charles Darwin! Hello Charles.
- Charles Darwin Actor: Hello Monty!
- Mr. Burns: Would you please explain the theory for this three-eyed fish?
- Charles Darwin Actor: Oh certainly! Every now and then Mother Nature experiments with her creatures, giving them longer legs, sharper claws, or in this case, a third eye. If she finds the changes favorable the creatures will multiply and a new race of superfish will be created. I would not mind having a third eye, would you Monty?
- Mr. Burns: Oh no, of course not.
|◄ Season 1||Season 2 Quotes||Season 3 ►|
|Bart Gets an "F" • Simpson and Delilah • Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish • Dancin' Homer • Dead Putting Society • Bart vs. Thanksgiving • Bart the Daredevil • Itchy & Scratchy & Marge • Bart Gets Hit by a Car • One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish • The Way We Was • Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment • Principal Charming • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? • Bart's Dog Gets an F • Old Money • Brush with Greatness • Lisa's Substitute • The War of the Simpsons • Three Men and a Comic Book • Blood Feud|