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- [While digging up the Simpsons' backyard, Santa's Little Helper tears up the television cable, disrupting service in the neighborhood, including at the Wiggum residence. Chief Wiggum and his wife are in bed watching TV when the picture goes off.]
- Chief Wiggum: [crestfallen] "Awwww!!"
- TV Announcer: [pleasant voice] "Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless."
- Chief Wiggum: [peering under the covers] "Well, I'll be damned."
- [At the dog track, Santa's Little Helper takes a shine to She's The Fastest, one of the dogs in the race. The two dogs have sex on the track while the race continues around them, and lie contentedly together afterwards.]
- Homer: "Awwww, so that's what's been wrong with the little fellow: He misses casual sex!"
- Lisa]: "Can we keep Santa's girlfriend, Mom?"
- Bart: "Please?"
- Marge: "But she's not our dog."
- [The Rich Texan appears and hands Marge a dog leash.]
- Rich Texan: "She's yours now! Once they fall in love, they lose their racing spirit."
- Marge: "Won't you miss her loyalty and companionship?"
- Rich Texan: [guffawing] "Lady, you're all right!"
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