Graeme Edge: Cold-hearted Homer, ditching his wife, while ancient Ned runs for his life...
Justin Hayward: Chips of red, and blue, and white, but we decide which...
John Lodge: Can the poems, it's arse-whipping time!
Ray Thomas: (pulling out a knife) I want fatty!
Casino Security Guard: Someone dishonoring their marriage vows? Not in Las Vegas!
Homer: What if we switched wives? Would that help?
Flanders: For the last time, NO!
Reverend Lovejoy: And once again, tithing is ten percent off the top, that's gross income, not net. Please people, don't force us to audit.
Marge: You listen to your friends, but you never listen to me.
Homer: Hey, that's great.
Reverend Lovejoy: Now, I'm going to pass this around a second time. Brother Ned, if you'll do the honors...
Homer: I wouldn't do that, Reverend. You see, "Saint Flanders" is as crooked as you or me!
(The people gasp)
(While at the casino demolition)
Mr. Burns: I'm just thinking about my employees. All the card sharks, bottom dealers and schills. Where will they go?
Smithers: They're managing your chain of nursing homes, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent!
Flanders: Of course, I resist all the major urges.
Sideshow Mel: All of them?
Marge: You mean you've never splurged and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake, then blamed it on the dog?
Edna: You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach?
Homer: You've never snuck out of church to break into cars?
Flanders: (about how young he is even though he's 60 years old) Listen, folks. There's no magic formula. I just followed the three C's: clean living, chewing thoroughly and a daily dose of vitamin church.
Homer: Ten dollars? What is this, a car wash for millionaires?
Homer: (about Lance Murdock) He's a daredevil, Ned. He laughs at death.
Flanders: Well, when I want to laugh, I'll take Bob Saget, thank you very much.
Homer: (to Flanders) Blame me, if you must, but don't ever speak ill of the Program. The Program is rock solid! The Program is sound!