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Homer's Paternity Coot
We're on the Road to D'oh-where
My Fair Laddy


Oh, wow! Drugs in a bottle! I feel like Elvis Presley!
Otto Mann

We're on the Road to D'ohwhere is the eleventh episode of Season 17.

Synopsis[]

Bart gets in trouble for setting off the steam pipes in the school. The punishment: time in a behavioral modification camp in Oregon. Unfortunately, Bart has been put on the "No Fly" list, so Homer must sacrifice his Vegas trip with his bar buddies to take Bart to the camp. Meanwhile, Marge and Lisa clean house and hold a garage sale — and Marge inadvertently becomes a drug dealer when everyone in town begins buying the family's expired medication.

Full Story[]

When Bart discovers Principal Skinner's key to the steam tunnels while Skinner admires his new car, Bart and Milhouse play around in the tunnels and open a steam valve, releasing a massive steam jet that explodes the school heaters, causes Skinner to be blown off due to the steam, causes Groundskeeper Willie to burn his tongue when he tries to drink from the fountain, rusts the band's instruments, causes frogs for dissection to come alive and attack the students, and generally rots the entire school. Skinner proposes that Bart will be sent off to Upward Bound behavioral modification camp. In the meantime, Moe announces that all of his frequent barflies will be going to Las Vegas, courtesy of a court settlement he got after suing the company that sold him a faulty rope which he used in yet another failed suicide attempt.

Homer goes to the airport to send Bart to the camp in northwest Oregon (preferably flying to Portland). But then he discovers that because of his bad behavior on his previous flight by taking his seat belt off in defiance of the captain's orders, forcing the plane to turn back to its starting point in Minneapolis, Bart had been placed on the no-fly list and he needs to be driven to the camp, thus excluding Homer from Moe's Vegas trip. After driving to a roadside diner, Bart escapes, and Homer almost drives off a cliff.

Meanwhile, Marge and Lisa have a yard sale. It is a total flop until Otto discovers that Marge is also selling the family's expired pills. Marge makes lots of money selling Homer's old prescription medication and with a high price; later Chief Wiggum arrests and incarcerates Marge in a sting.

The next scene shows Bart tied with chains and duct tape to his seat. Homer mentions to Bart that he likes to see his own son suffer. Homer then tells Bart that talking time is over and silences Bart by putting tape over his mouth. Bart mumbles sadly into his gag. Homer gets Bart to the camp, but, after a moral dilemma, he plans to pick up Bart and take him to Las Vegas with him; the Upward Bound manager also informed Homer that the facility would've called him to pick up Bart anyway, as it was discovered that the credit card he used for Bart's enrollment was declined.

Lisa comes home and, through two answering machine messages, discovers that Marge is in jail for selling the family's expired medication and needs $10,000 bail, Homer is in a Nevada jail for getting in a fight with a casino pit boss, and Bart has gone missing. Rather than freak out over her parents' and brother's current dilemmas, Lisa wearily tells Maggie that she always knew the day would come when the two of them would be the only family members left to fend for themselves, then vows to look for a job in the morning.

Citations[]

Season 16 Season 17 Episodes Season 18
The Bonfire of the ManateesThe Girl Who Slept Too LittleMilhouse of Sand and FogTreehouse of Horror XVIMarge's Son PoisoningSee Homer RunThe Last of the Red Hat MamasThe Italian BobSimpsons Christmas StoriesHomer's Paternity CootWe're on the Road to D'oh-whereMy Fair LaddyThe Seemingly Never-Ending StoryBart Has Two MommiesHomer Simpson, This is Your WifeMillion-Dollar AbieKiss Kiss Bang BangaloreThe Wettest Stories Ever ToldGirls Just Want to Have SumsRegarding MargieThe Monkey SuitMarge and Homer Turn a Couple Play
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