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Homer's Paternity Coot
We're on the Road to D'oh-where
My Fair Laddy

Oh, wow! Drugs in a bottle! I feel like Elvis Presley!
Otto Mann

We're on the Road to D'ohwhere is the eleventh episode of Season 17.


When Bart finds the key to the school's steam tunnels and damages the school with steam, Principal Skinner sends him to a camp in Oregon. When Homer discovers Bart is on the no fly list, he has to drive him there. While the boys are out of town, Marge and Lisa have a yard sale, only to discover that the big seller is Homer's expired pain pills. Shortly afterwards, Marge gets arrested by Chief Wiggum and is taken into custody.

Full Story

When Bart discovers Principal Skinner's key to the steam tunnels while Skinner admires his new car, Bart and Milhouse play around in the tunnels and open a steam valve, releasing a massive steam jet that explodes the school heaters, causes Skinner to be blown off due to the steam, causes Groundskeeper Willie to burn his tongue when he tries to drink from the fountain, rusts the band's instruments, causes frogs for dissection to come alive and attack the students, and generally rots the entire school. Skinner proposes that Bart will be sent off to Upward Bound behavioral modification camp. In the meantime, Moe announces that all of his frequent barflies will be going to Las Vegas, courtesy of himself. Homer goes to the airport to send Bart to the camp in northwest Oregon (preferably flying to Portland). But then he discovers that because of his bad behavior on his previous flight by taking his seat belt off in defiance of the captain's orders, forcing the plane to turn back to its starting point in Minneapolis, Bart had been placed on the no-fly list and he needs to be driven to the camp, thus excluding Homer from Moe's Vegas trip. After driving to a roadside diner, Bart escapes, and Homer almost drives off a cliff.

Meanwhile, Marge and Lisa have a yard sale. It is a total flop until Otto discovers that Marge is also selling the family's obsolete pills. Marge makes lots of money selling Homer's old prescription medication and with a high price; later Chief Wiggum arrests and incarcerates Marge.

The next scene shows Bart tied with chains and duct tape to his seat. Homer mentions to Bart that he likes to see his own son suffer. Homer then tells Bart that talking time is over and silences Bart by putting tape over his mouth. Bart mumbles sadly into his gag. Homer gets Bart to the camp, but, after a moral dilemma, he plans to pick up Bart and take him to Las Vegas with him; the Upward Bound manager also informed Homer that the facility would've called him to pick up Bart anyway, as it was discovered that the credit card he used for Bart's enrollment was declined. In Vegas, Homer and Bart get into a fight with a pit boss and are both transported to Nevada State Prison. The final scene depicts Lisa receiving phone messages from both Marge and Homer, asking for bail money. Lisa then sighs, and tells Maggie about looking for employment the next day. It is unknown what becomes of the Simpsons after this tribulation.


Season 16 Season 17 Episodes Season 18
The Bonfire of the ManateesThe Girl Who Slept Too LittleMilhouse of Sand and FogTreehouse of Horror XVIMarge's Son PoisoningSee Homer RunThe Last of the Red Hat MamasThe Italian BobSimpsons Christmas StoriesHomer's Paternity CootWe're on the Road to D'oh-whereMy Fair LaddyThe Seemingly Never-Ending StoryBart Has Two MommiesHomer Simpson, This is Your WifeMillion-Dollar AbieKiss Kiss Bang BangaloreThe Wettest Stories Ever ToldGirls Just Want to Have SumsRegarding MargieThe Monkey SuitMarge and Homer Turn a Couple Play