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Wedding for Disaster |
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- Homer: Reverend Lovejoy, you deliver pizza now? But we didn't order any pizza. You forgot the pizza anyway. Marge, the pizza place screwed up again!
- Homer: So will you marry me in style?
- Marge: (in tears) Oh, yes, Homer, yes!
- Homer: Did you hear that Santa? She said "Yes"! Yes! Now back to your cold airless tomb.
- (Homer puts the Santa toy in the box)
- Santa: Ho ho ho!
- Marge: A pimple! Not on my day you don't.
- (the pimple on Marge's neck shrinks into nothing)
- Marge: Now we are 11 seconds behind schedule.
- (Marge sees that the room is empty.)
- Marge: Homer! (sobbing)
- (Maggie hears Marge sobbing through the walkie talkie and signals the band to stop the music)
- [The plant snaps at the man.]
- Man: No! You're a plant now!
- Parson: I remember when she [Helen Lovejoy] used to be Helen Schartzbaum. Heck, I even remember when she was Harold Schartzbaum!
- Rev. Lovejoy: What?
- Marge: Homer, I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding!
- Homer: If Marge is like this now, then what will she be like after we're married?
- Bart: So you and mom aren't married? Does that mean I'm a bastard?
- Lisa: Technically, you were born while they were married, so legally, no. But, in the sense that when someone calls you that when you're angry, yes.
- Bart: Eh, Whatever.
- Lisa: I think it's romantic. You can pretend you're newlyweds starting a life together!
- Bart: Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock.
- Homer: Why, you little bastard! [growling while strangling Bart]
- Lisa: That's the angry one.
- Bart: [strangling while Homer grunting] Uh-huh.
- ----
- ---- ---- ---- ----
- Lisa: Mom! Mom! We know where Dad is.
- Marge: He's right here. (Homer is next to Marge)
- Homer: I'm not sure what happened. I was kidnapped, then tortured, then I fell into a surprisingly sound sleep. When I awoke, I felt refreshed. Then I was blindfolded, and two sobbing trolls threw me out of a van onto our lawn.
- Marge: I'm just happy you're back. Now let's get that chain off you.
- Homer: Won't it dry up in a few days and fall off in the bath?
- Marge: I've missed your nonsense.
- Selma: (The twins get rid of the evidence so no one will notice it) Now there's no evidence to tie us to the kidnapping. And we've got a one-year lease on that torture room. So maybe we can put a tanning bed in there. (Both start laughing, but then they exclaim when Bart and Lisa show up)
- Lisa: We know it was you, Selma Bouvier!
- Patty: (Both laugh nervously) Would you kids like cookies? Let your Auntie Patty make some cookies.
- Bart: We don't want your cookies. What she means is, we'll eat your cookies later. If you don't want us to tell our mom what you did, you're gonna have to pay.
- Selma: Pay? Pay for what?
- Bart: Ask her. She's the brains. I'm the thing that's not the brains.
- (The twins grunt in confusion)
- Wedding Approver: And with the inking and application of this stamp, you are officially married. Next.
- Homer: I'm sorry, honey. I wanted so badly to give you a fancy wedding.
- Marge: Homer, one thing I've learned is that you don't need a fancy wedding when you're marrying the man you love.
- (A bridal chorus starts playing and a crowd is cheering)
- Marge: (Gasps) Just what I always wanted!
- Homer: A rocket ship wedding cake! Just what I always wanted!
- Patty: We emptied our 401(k)s for this?
- Homer: (starts playing with his rocket) Zoom. Zoom.
- Marge: Oh! Blue roses!
- Mr. Florist: Yes. It took a lot of frantic genetic engineering, but enjoy. (The plant hisses) No! You're a plant now!