The Front
Whacking Day
Marge in Chains
Principal Skinner: [after locking Bart and the bullies in the utility room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
Groundskeeper Willie: No, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
Principal Skinner: Wise council, William. But the potty talk adds nothing.
Groundskeeper Willie: Yes, sir. [after Skinner and Ronald leaves] You bath-takin', underpants-wearin' lily hugger.

Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!

Kent Brockman: But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss.
(Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.)
Nixon: Is Whacking Day over? (Everyone boos at him.) Thank you. Thanks for coming out.

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Groundskeeper Willie: (to his tractor) Ach, my beauty! Wait till the superintendent sees you! Were it not a violation of God's law, I'd make you my wife.
Scottish Woman: Now thar's a lonely man. I'm new in town. Be there a cool loch where a lass could wash her long, red hair?
Groundskeeper Willie: Nay, but there's a pool at me apartment complex. There was a rat in the deep end, but we got 'im!

Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.

Barney: (whacking invisible snakes) Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?

Ralph Wiggum: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that child just say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Yes, he said 'What's that rattle', it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh, so you hear "R's" as "B's"?

Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.
Lisa: Lemme see that.
Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no.

Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.

Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
Boy: We’ll break their backs
Gouge out their eyes
Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!
Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
May God bestow His grace on thee.

Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
Lisa: I learned how many grams are in a pennyweight.
Bart: I got expelled.
Homer: That's my boy! (sips his Duff beer) Mmm... beer... (realizes) What!?

Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so?! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"!

Principal Skinner: (to Bart) And you'll be with your friends, Jimbo, Nelson, Kear-. (He realizes that they haven't been released.) Oh dear God!
(Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes)
Principal Skinner: Faster, Willie, faster. Now, we give 'em the bikes, no one sues. (nervous chuckle)
Groundskeeper Willie: (chuckles) What if they're dead, sir?
Principal Skinner: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
Groundskeeper Willie: Freedom. (chuckles, then mutters under his breath) I'll turn ya in at the first tollbooth.

Nelson: Imagine... a school out there with no bullies.
Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
Nelson: I can't take it!

Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled
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