Principal Skinner: [after locking Bart and the bullies in the utility room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
Groundskeeper Willie: No, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
Principal Skinner: Wise council, William. But the potty talk adds nothing.
Groundskeeper Willie: Yes, sir. [after Skinner and Ronald leaves] You bath-takin', underpants-wearin' lily hugger.
Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!
Kent Brockman: But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss.
(Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.)
Nixon: Is Whacking Day over? (Everyone boos at him.) Thank you. Thanks for coming out.
Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
Groundskeeper Willie: (to his tractor) Ach, my beauty! Wait till the superintendent sees you! Were it not a violation of God's law, I'd make you my wife.
Scottish Woman: Now thar's a lonely man. I'm new in town. Be there a cool loch where a lass could wash her long, red hair?
Groundskeeper Willie: Nay, but there's a pool at me apartment complex. There was a rat in the deep end, but we got 'im!
Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
Principal Skinner: Yes, he said 'What's that rattle', it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh, so you hear "R's" as "B's"?
Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.
Lisa: Lemme see that.
Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no.
Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.