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Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
When Flanders Failed
Bart the Murderer
Akira: We practice karate, so that we never need use it.
Bart: Excuse me. I already know how not to hit a man. Can I practice with nunchucks?

Marge: Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister!

Lisa: It's funny how two wrongs sometimes make a right.

Lisa: (reading invitation) "The Flanders are having a beef-a-thon! Incredible Nedibles! Maudacious vittles!"
Marge: I think it means he's having a barbecue.
Homer: Why doesn't he just say so?!
Marge: He's trying to be friendly. If you gave Ned Flanders a chance-
Homer: I don't care if he is the nicest guy in the world. He's a jerk.

Kid: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
Homer: Heh-heh! The fly was funny, and the booger was the icing on the cake!

Ned: Friends, we love you all but I also have a sinister motive for asking you all here... "sinister'" being Latin for left-handed. But enough joking.
Homer: That was a joke?
Homer: Friday, I'm saying toodle-loo to the pharmaceutical game.
Person: What's he talking about?

Homer wins a game of wishbone. He then thinks of a good wish.
Homer pictures Ned with his pockets inside out denoting bankruptcy.
Homer: Hmmm...
Homer again pictures Ned again with the "airplane pockets" look, only now standing in front of "Flanders' Stupid Left-Handed Store" with a "Going Out of Business" sign.
Homer: Yeah!
Homer pictures a tombstone engraved with "R.I.P. Ned Flanders"
Homer: Too far.
Homer returns to his fantasy of Ned's store gone bust, then the dream cloud evaporates
Maude: So what did you wish for?
Ned: Uh uh uh! Do not say it, or else it will not come true!
Homer: Don't worry, you will soon see for yourself.
Homer laughs to himself, then it becomes progressively louder. He is doing this with his mouth full, causing Maude and Ned to stare at his strange and uncouth behavior.

Man: Hey, I hear you validate parking tickets without purchase.
Ned: Oh, right as rain! Or, as we say around here, `left as rain', heh heh.
Man: Just stamp the ticket.
Ned: Oh, okay.

Ned: At times like these, I used to turn to the Bible and find solace, but even the Good Book can't help me now.
Homer: Why not?
Ned: I sold it to you for seven cents.
Homer: Oh.

Barney: Hey, Homer, how's your neighbor's store doing?
Homer: Lousy. He just sits there all day. He'd have a great job if he didn't own the place.

Homer: Ned, I am sorry your store did not work out.
Ned: No, Homer, you were right!
Homer: I was?
Ned: Yes! You tried to warn me against engaging in risky ventures! I should have known better than to gamble my family's future on some pig in a poke! You were an honest friend to me, and I appreciate that.
Ned's words come down hard on Homer, who until now has been envious of Ned's success. Seeing a bankrupt Flanders family has not given Homer satisfaction, but plenty of guilt.
Homer: {resolved tone} Ned, how much longer do you have the store?
Ned: Three days. After that it becomes headquarters for the Libertarian Party of Springfield. And I really hope they have better luck than I do.
Homer: You open up that store at 9 in the morning, I will do the rest!

Homer is on the phone.
Homer: Hello Jerry? This is Homer Simpson. Remember last month when I paid back that loan? Yeah, well now I need you to do a favor for me!

(Homer is sitting at the barbecue.)
Homer: Stupid Flanders! Go ahead, Marge, have a ball. What if they came back and I was dead from not eating? They'd cry their eyes out. "We should have never gone to the Flanders'. Oh, why did we go to the Flanders' house and leave Homer alone with no food?" And I'd be laughing -- laughing from my grave. Heh, heh, heh.

Repo Agent: I'm Chuck Ellis from the Springfield Collection Agency, and I'm here to ask you why you don't think you need to pay your bills?
Homer: Oh, I know I need to pay them, but there's just so many!
Repo Agent: Do you feel good owing money? We've been very patient with you, Mr. Flanders.
Homer: I know, but... Wait a minute. I'm Homer Simpson. Ned Flanders lives over there.
Repo Agent: Oh.
Homer: Flanders is in debt? Are you sure?
Repo Agent: We don't make mistakes. Damned right-handed ledgers. I can't write in these things.
Homer: There's a store...
Repot Agent: You're Homer Simpson? See you Thursday.
Homer: D'oh!

Ned: Homer, affordable tract housing made us neighbors but you made us friends.
Homer: To Ned Flanders, the richest left-handed man in town.

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?