Lisa: OK Bart, open your present, it's the one I'm excited most about.
Bart: Plastic bubbling vomit, plastic bubbling vomit. (Bart unwraps the present Lisa has given him and he finds he has got a book) (horrified) What? Lis, you're smart. Why would you give me a book? 'Cause it's easy to wrap?
Lisa: Nothing is easy to wrap. I have trouble with scissors. (runs out crying)
(All the B&B's mutter in disbelief)
Gloria: Marge, the brochure promised us a happy Christmas.
Marge: My uncle died in your bed. Merry Christmas!
Krusty: Hey hey, Due to modern sensitivity, we've been asked to block any violent images that appear in this children's cartoon. Oh, my God! I never watched one of these sober! I gotta get this bloodbath off my kids' show!
(Krusty throws a pie at the camera and a caption appears on screen with "We Will Right Back" but after Itchy rips out Scratchy's vertebrae out of his back and throws it)