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Chief Wiggum: (Voiceover) You try not to dwell on your innumerable failures, instead you stare out to sea, try to look like you're thinking deep thoughts. Just like this… yeah. (To camera crew) You got what you need? I got an itch, I need to scratch it. *uses his gun to scratch his backside*
911 Operator: Dispatch. State the nature of your emergency. Lisa: There's been a robbery! Send help! Evergreen Terrace. 911 Operator: It wouldn't hurt you to say "please." Lisa: It's an emergency! You don't have to say "please." 911 Operator: Sounds like what's been stolen are your manners. Lisa: Please! 911 Operator: Help is on the way. You're welcome. Lisa: Can I get your name, please? And your supervisor? If I may? 911 Operator: Help is no longer on the way. Lisa: Jerk.
Officer Lou: So we were back at square one. It was not your typical break‐in. No sign of forced entry. I mean, the dog didn't even bark. Chief Wiggum scratches Santa's Little Helper's tummy. Chief Wiggum: Somebody knew exactly where to rub him. The tummy. "Dateline: Springfield" narrator:: A police reenactment confirmed the Chief's theory. Officer Lou scratches Chief Wiggum's tummy like a dog. 'Chief Wiggum: [MOANS] Oh, oh, God, that's great. Oh, there's no way I'm barking. Oh, Lou, you got to teach my wife to do this.
Homer: Whew, what a relief. So who did do it? Lisa: It was obviously Bart. It's always Bart. Bart: Hey, nothing is my fault 'cause Dad raised me so rotten. Homer: Well, nothing is my fault 'cause my dad raised me so rotten. Grampa: Don't blame me. It was a race out the door and your mother won.
