Four Regrettings and a Funeral
Labor Pains
(Lisa is in the fourth grade classroom about to show the honor code to the students)
Lisa: Hello children. I hold before you a copy of the school's new honor code. (the students groan) I know if I can get the toughest kid to sign it, the rest of you will sign it. (points the pen at Millhouse) Millhouse?
(Millhouse goes to the front the sign the honor code to sign it but is pushed out of the way by Nelson)
Nelson: He's not the toughest kid, I am! (signs the paper and goes back to his seat)
Lisa: Now the smartest kid. Millhouse?
(Lisa gives the pen to him but then Martin snatches the pen from him)
Martin: He's not the smartest kid, I am! (signs the paper and leaves)
Lisa: Now, the class nerd. Millhouse?
(Millhouse is looking hopeful that someone else is the class nerd. but no-one appears to be coming down. He then accepts the position and signs it)

Mrs. Krabappel: (giving a test to the fourth-grade) Now don't forget, this is the first exam under the new honor code. (Principal Skinner, Superintendent Chalmers and Mrs. Hoover watch the kids from a window)
Principal Skinner: They're doing it! They're self-proctoring!
Superintendent Chalmers: Can't you say anything in a normal way?
Principal Skinner: The answer, sadly, is not yes.

(Lisa is standing in front of her locker. She opens up her backpack and finds a stick of dynamite with the fuse burning, a Lisa voodoo doll, a slingshot and some crumpled papers.)
Lisa: Uh. I got Bart's backpack.
(She licks her fingers and puts out the fuse on the dynamite. She then finds Bart's test papers.)
Lisa: (looking at the test papers) He got a hundred on his test? That's impossible!
(She goes through his papers and sees that they all have perfect scores.)
Lisa: (gasps) Is Bart cheating?
Bart: Are the Pope's tweets infallible? (He sticks his phone out and shows the Pope's tweet. Bart then laughs.)
Lisa: (angrily) Bart, I'm gonna tell!
Bart: No. You're not. Because if you tell people I cheated, that means your system failed.
Lisa: Oh my God! You found a loophole! Why don't you put this much inventiveness into your work?
Bart: 'Cause then I'd be the one thing I swore I wouldn't: you.
(Bart then leaves the hallway while whistling. Then Lisa is shown with a worried face.)

Lisa: (steps in front of Bart, scaring him) Ha! (Bart screams) You've presented me with quite a conundrum, a word you should know since it was on a vocabulary test, you aced! (laughs) But after some thought, (rips off part of her hair) all my worries went away! (blows her hair off) I know the answer! I gonna force you to turn yourself in!
Bart: Good luck with that! The only thing that will change my mind is a sign from God! (Homer falls from his parachute jump on top of Bart, crushing him)
Homer: Son, it was so beautiful! I went faster than the speed of sound! (Homer's scream hits the ground seconds later)
Lisa: Well Bart, is that enough of a sign for you?
Bart: All right! I'll turn myself in! It'll give me a chance to work some more on the detention quilt.

Season 24 Season 25 Quotes Season 26
HomerlandTreehouse of Horror XXIVFour Regrettings and a FuneralYoloLabor PainsThe Kid is All RightYellow SubterfugeWhite Christmas BluesSteal This EpisodeMarried to the BlobSpecs and the CityDiggsThe Man Who Grew Too MuchThe Winter of His ContentThe War of ArtYou Don't Have to Live Like a RefereeLuca$Days of Future FutureWhat to Expect When Bart's ExpectingBrick Like MePay PalThe Yellow Badge of Cowardge
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