The War of Art
You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee
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Lisa Simpson: Martin Prince took my essay subject. What do I do?
Bart Simpson: Here's what you do. Write about your dad.
Lisa: Everyone writes about their dad.
Bart : Sure, everyone writes about the good dads, but with our dad, it's like climbing Mount Everest. You either plant your flag at the top, or you die there frozen. Either way, hell of a show.

Lisa: My hero isn't someone famous.
Homer Simpson: Pfth. Loser.
Lisa: He's never accomplished anything great.
Homer: Pa-thetic.
Lisa: And he's not in any history book.
Homer: Makes me sick.
Lisa: He's my dad.
Homer: Bwah?

Brazilian Gangster: You broke a deal with us and we have lost a fortune! [the gangsters points their guns to Homer]
Homer: Huh? At least I'll die the american way: In a foreign country wearing short pants.
Marge: Wait, wait wait wait! I wanna say something!
Brazilian Gangster: You have one minute. Wait! [looking at his watch] Let it get to the twelve... now!
Marge: [in portuguese] Deixe meu marido sozinho! Eu amo meu marido, mas ele nunca deveria ter sido um árbitro. (Leave my husband alone! I love my husband, but he should never have been a referee.)
Bart: How is she doing that?
Lisa: I don't know, but she's my new hero.
Marge: Yeah, I was a little surprised I wasn't considered before. [in portuguese] O que o meu marido se preocupa é ser um herói para sua filha. por favor, perdoe-lhe. (All my husband cares about is being a hero to his daughter. please, forgive him.)
Brazilian Gangster: Ah, your fluency is impressive. You can help my son learn Hebrew for his bar mitzvah. But I'm still killing your husband.
Marge: First, mazel tov! Second, don,t please, please, I'm a mother. Surely, you have a mother too?
Brazilian Gangster: I do have a mother. [hand appears on his shoulder] Oh, she's right there.
Brazilian Gangster's Mom: I'm sorry, my son. We owe a debt to the Simpsons that can never be repaid.
Brazilian Gangster: All that she did was switch seats on a plane!
Brazilian Gangster's Mom: On a fifteen-hour flight! [slaps him across face]

Homer: [Drinks from bottle left on room service tray]
Hotel guest: [Opens door] The hell are you doing?
Homer: It's ok, I'm an American.
Hotel guest: Oh, oh, ok. [Closes door]

Mr. Teeny: [Traps local monkeys in cage]
Krusty the Clown: Ok, Teeny, take care of part two. [hands revolver to Mr. Teeny, who takes it]
Mr. Teeny: [To monkeys] (Play dead till the clown comes in the cage. Then start biting.)
Season 24 Season 25 Quotes Season 26
HomerlandTreehouse of Horror XXIVFour Regrettings and a FuneralYoloLabor PainsThe Kid is All RightYellow SubterfugeWhite Christmas BluesSteal This EpisodeMarried to the BlobSpecs and the CityDiggsThe Man Who Grew Too MuchThe Winter of His ContentThe War of ArtYou Don't Have to Live Like a RefereeLuca$Days of Future FutureWhat to Expect When Bart's ExpectingBrick Like MePay PalThe Yellow Badge of Cowardge
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